Make a Big Deal of Your Wife

I found this little article I thought you might like to read..... the link is at the end. I loved the little profanity at the end....to cleanse your palate of sweetness, he said!!!

A long time ago when my wife was my girlfriend and we were LIVING IN SIN, a tradition was born. I'd like to now share it with you all.

I came home from work one day and found her in front of the computer. I said "Hello," and she barely grunted back. I don't even think she looked up.

Half-jokingly I responded, "Okay, we're gonna try this again." I walked out the front door and came back in a few moments later...

"STEVIE'S HOME, STEVIE'S HOME!!! YAY!!!" was the new over-the-top cheer I was greeted with. It was accompanied by a hug and kisses. And I loved it.

What began as a joke quickly became an ongoing practice that continues to this day in our house: The person who is home first must make a small fuss when the other person gets there. Read the rest of the article.

Romantic Names

The people at Make Sweet been trying to come up with good romantic nicknames. It isn't as easy as it sounds. Most of the lists lying around online are rather dull. Here's what they've got so far:

* Chuckle-cheeks. For someone who seems to be always laughing.

* Goose-bumps. For someone a little silly who tends to trip over things, or someone who sends a shiver down your spine, or both.

* Snugglepuss. For someone who makes you want to cuddle up with them like a cat.

* Dumble-dear. For a fan of the Harry Potter series.

* Pookie-snooks. For someone whose nose you want to stroke.

* Poptart. For someone musical and sweet. Actually the meaning of this one is subject to interpretation ;-)

* Jiggles McJiggypants. For somebody who can't sit still.

* Twinkle-toes. A good, or terrible, dancer.

* Nuzzle-nose. Like pookie-snooks except nuzzlier.

* Snoopy. For a cute little puppy.

* Poopy. For a cuter littler puppy (so young and cute they maybe aren't even house-trained yet).

* Fox-trot. Someone foxy you'd like to dance with.

* Sweetmeat. This is just another word for candy/sweets, but it sounds quite... tasty.

* Happy-feet. Like twinkle-toes, except feetier.

* Shivers O'Chestnuts. This is actually pretty bad.

* Sir/Madam Laughs-a-Lot. This is even worse.

* Shiny-eyes. Someone with a gleam in their eye.

* Sparkles. Someone who lights up a room.

* Fishbreath. Use only if you can say it lovingly enough to distract from its actual meaning.

They have some other fun stuff on their site that you might like to explore. I found it and started playing and well, it put a dint in my day! But it was fun!

Let me know what pet names you use. I'm pretty boring I guess - I just use 'honey' and 'Sweetie Pie' but when my son was a baby he was 'pumpkin' - I've never understood why or where I picked that one up!

Have fun, fishbreath - oops I mean, Sparkles!

A Little Thing Can Make Such a Difference

I enjoy surfing the net and finding interesting things on the topic of How to Make Your Wife Happy. This post came from a blog of a woman who at the time of writing was about to celebrate her 13th wedding anniversary. I liked the message and thought I would share it with you. Here is what she had to say:

Thirteen years ago, I don’t think I could comprehend how difficult marriage can be. Raising a family and managing personal and professional lives can be daunting, stressful, and sometimes downright overwhelming. And since neither of us is perfect, we mess up a lot, and cause even greater stress on one another, than we would alone.

But it occurred to me recently, the invisible ways I’ve come to rely on my husband. After thirteen years together, there’s a rhythm of responsibility. Sometimes this rhythm is out of whack and called into question. Sometimes the drum doesn’t beat at all and our whole family falls into a chaotic abyss. But sometimes, the rhythm keeps time in areas I don’t even recognize.

For instance, I never gas up the car....

To read the complete story go to her site by clicking here.

How to Be A Sex God

I found a blog that I would like to share with you. It starts this way and you can click on the link and read the rest. Parts of it are so good, I wish I had written it myself. However, I think men are doing a great job of making us women happy, so if there is a bit of bias showing - please excuse us women (yes, I say that on behalf of all of us!)

In this article, I especially like how she draws the analogy of men and women with Macs and PC's. Yes, we are different and we are always learning how to understand the other.

Enjoy the blog!

P.S. The blog is called Memarie Lane.

Excerpt from How to be a Sex God

After six and a half years of marriage I have come to realize that men tend to be very misguided when it comes to what makes women happy physically. For women, desire must first be ignited in the heart, but men seem to think the wedding ring is a loophole allowing them to bypass that part. They’ve signed themselves over, what further proof of love to we need? Hate to break it to you guys, but it must be constantly reaffirmed. The good news is, this is a lot easier to do than you’d think.

I think the biggest obstacle for men is that they tend to project what they want as men onto the women they’re with, and it just doesn’t work that way. For example, imagine what would happen if you tried to run a PC program on a Mac. Just wouldn’t work would it? Or you can look at it like two different gadgets that need charging. They may both may fit the same AC adaptor, but that doesn’t mean the voltage is right for both of them. Women require a different voltage than men, and the drivers need constant updating. You do it for your ipod, you can do it for your wife too. Click here to read the entire post.

Insert the word Wife for Girl and the meaning is the same!

K I D ' S I D E A S A B O U T L O V E

Kids, aged 5 to 10, were asked questions about what they thought of love and marriage. Here's what they said.

Love and Marriage:

• "If falling in love is anything like learning how to spell, I don't want to do it. It takes too long." -- Glenn, age 7

• "Love is like an avalanche where you have to run for your life." -- John, age 9

• "I think you're supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but the rest of it isn't supposed to be so painful." -- Manuel, age 8

• "No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell. That's why perfume and deodorant are so popular." -- Mae, age 9

• "Love is the most important thing in the world, but baseball is pretty good too." -- Greg, age 8

• "Once I'm done with kindergarten, I'm going to find me a wife." -- Tom, age 5

• "On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date." -- Mike, 10

• "I'm in favor of love as long as it doesn't happen when Dinosaurs is on television." -- Jill, age 6

• "One of the people has freckles, and so he finds somebody else who has freckles too." -- Andrew, age 6

• "My mother says to look for a man who is kind. That's what I'll do. I'll find somebody who's kinda tall and handsome." -- Carolyn, age 8

• "It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I'm just a kid. I don't need that kind of trouble." -- Kenny, age 7

• "One of you should know how to write a check. Because, even if you have tons of love, there is still going to be a lot of bills." -- Ava, age 8

• "When somebody's been dating for a while, the boy might propose to the girl. He says to her, 'I'll take you for a whole life, or at least until we have kids and get divorced.'" -- Anita, 9

• "I'm not rushing into being in love. I'm finding fourth grade hard enough." -- Regina, age 10

• "Most men are brainless, so you might have to try more than once to find a live one." -- Angie, age 10

• "A man and a woman promise to go through sickness and illness and diseases together." -- Marlon, age 10

• "[Being] single is better . . . for the simple reason that I wouldn't want to change no diapers. Of course, if I did get married, I'd figure something out. I'd just phone my mother and have her come over for some coffee and diaper-changing." -- Kirsten, age 10

• "Love is foolish...but I still might try it sometime." -- Floyd, age 9

• "Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep finding me." -- Dave, age 8

Take the test

Take this little test by clicking on the words "this little test" to see if you understand what men and women are saying to each other.

The Five Toughest Questions For Men

Here's a little humor for you I found on a blog called James S. Huggins Refrigerator Door 1. What are you thinking about? 2. Do you love me? 3. Do I look fat? 4. Do you think she is prettier than me? 5. What would you do if I died? Here is the problem: If the man answers incorrectly (i.e., tells the truth), every single one is absolutely guaranteed to explode into a major argument. As a public service, I analyze each question and provide the possible answers. #1: What are you thinking about? The best answer to this is: "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you." This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which is, most likely, one of the following: a. Baseball. b. Football. c. How fat you are. d. How much prettier she is than you. e. How I would spend the insurance money if you died. (Perhaps the best classic response to this question was offered by Al Bundy, who once told Peg: "If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to you!") #2: Do you love me? The proper response is: "YES!" If you feel a more detailed answer is in order: "Yes, dear." Inappropriate responses include: a. Yah, sure, you betcha. b. Would it make you feel better if I said "yes"? c. That depends on exactly what you mean by love. d. Does it matter? e. Who, me? #3: Do I look fat? The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course not!" Among the incorrect answers are: a. Compared to what? b. I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin. c. A little extra weight looks good on you. d. I've seen fatter. e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died. #4: Do you think she's prettier than me? Once again, the proper response is an emphatic: "Of course not!" Incorrect responses include: a. Yes, but you have a better personality. b. Not prettier, but definitely thinner. c. Not as pretty as you, when you were her age. d. It depends on how you define pretty. e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died. #5: What would you do if I died? This is the all-time, no-win question. (The real answer, of course, is "Buy a Corvette.") There is no good answer. No matter how you answer, be prepared for at least an hour of follow-up questions, usually along the these lines: Woman: Would you get married again? Man: Definitely not! Woman: Why not? Don't you like being married? Man: Of course I do. Woman: Then why wouldn't you remarry? Man: Okay, I'd get married again. Woman: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face) Man: Yes, I would. Woman: (After a long pause) Would you sleep with her in our bed? Man: Where else would we sleep? Woman: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her? Man: That would seem like the proper thing to do. Woman: And would you let her use my golf clubs? Man: She can't use them; she's left-handed.

Still Don't Understand Women? Read my E-book!

Tips for Husbands Visiting the In-Laws at Thanksgiving

I know it is not always easy for you to go and visit the in-laws. It is for some, but others find it tiring, frustrating, and it takes them out of their comfort zone.

I've heard a litany of complaints and observations from husbands who tell me their tales of woes going to the in-laws. I've heard about the neat freaks, and the mother-in-laws who cook the food beyond recognition. I've heard about the families who ignore the husband (What am I - invisible? one man said to me). One client told me that his mother-in-law would tell his wife what she wanted him to know. "Mom" would never speak directly to her son-in-law. Sure these are horror stories and most people aren't that way, right?

Regardless of whether you are visiting the in-laws from hell or you just want to make sure that you put on your best behavior, I have some tips for you. You can use it anytime you are going to the in-laws.

• Take a hostess gift for "Mom". It could be flowers, chocolates, fruit, a small plant. Ask your wife what she thinks would make "Mom" happy. But remember if you come up with it yourself, your wife will most likely tell the family "And Rob came up with this present all by himself!"
  

• Take "Dad" a gift. Perhaps his favorite drink. That could be alcoholic, but it doesn't have to be. It could be a bag of gourmet coffee beans!

• Arrive when you said you would.
  

• Be prepared to be one of the crowd and not the one in control of how things are happening. Remember that you are only staying for a few hours or a few days and once the visit is over you can go back to being the captain of your own fate.
  

• If you tell a story, make sure it is a story about something positive about your wife. Make her the focal point of the story - do not put yourself in the starring role.

• Offer to set the table, carry the gravy or clean up afterwards. Pitch in where you can. Don't just sit on the couch watching the football game and drinking beer with the brothers.

• If asked to give thanks, or if you have the opportunity, let people know that you are giving thanks for your wife and for her family.
  

• Love the meal. Be sure to say something sincere and nice about the food that has been cooked. Even if the turkey is mushy and the potatoes are lumpy, find something real and good to say.
  

Keep these things in mind and let yourself be flexible and relax about the visit. You might even come away thinking 'it wasn't so bad after all'.

What You Don't Want to Happen

February 13, 2008: Infidelity, incompatibility among highest causes of divorce, says poll

by Jeffrey Cottrill

Taken from Divorce News

TORONTO -- What causes people to divorce? It's a very subjective question, of course: the reasons married couples have for breaking up are as various as their reasons for falling in love. However, there are some issues that come up frequently among couples -- especially infidelity, poor communication, abuse, and just plain incompatibility.

A 2006 poll by DivorceMagazine.com asked its online readers the simple question: "What caused your separation/divorce?" The poll offered nine separate answers and told respondents to choose which one was the single strongest factor in the marital breakdown. The poll closed on October 31, 2006, after a total of 1514 people (1033 of them women) had responded.

Out of the whole, 23% of respondents claimed infidelity as the dominant factor in triggering their separations or divorces. Communication problems came a close second at 22%, followed by basic incompatibility with 18% and emotional or physical abuse with 17%.

Other cited answers in the poll: 8% of respondents cited drug addiction or alcoholism as the strongest factor, followed by money problems at 6%, one spouse being a workaholic at 3%, and a change in one spouse's appearance at 2%.

However, it's worth noting that the top answers differed noticeably between male and female respondents.

In the men's case, basic incompatibility was the top choice, as picked by 27% of respondents. Communication problems were second with men, at 25%; after that, men answered infidelity (19%) and abuse (11%).

On the female side, nearly a quarter of the women polled chose infidelity as the dominant reason for their divorce. Second for women was communication, at 20%, followed closely by abuse at 19% and basic incompatibility at only 14%.

So what does the gender difference mean? Any answer would probably be suspect of sexist generalization, of course, but the poll results seem to imply that men and women may have slightly different ideas as to what defines or constitutes "incompatibility" in a relationship, and/or what level of marital incompatibility is a sufficient reason to initiate a divorce. However, it's obvious overall that personal and physical compatibility is a must for a marriage, however you perceive or define it. And anyone would agree that communication is vitally important to the strength and longevity of a relationship.

A Kiss To Make Her Happy

Are there days when you just want to be alone and if anyone comes around you, you just want to roar? That's what one of my clients said to me the other day. He was worried that he would strike out and hurt someone in his frustration even though usually he isn't a violent man. There are two ways that we looked at what to do when that happens, that can makes sure he is getting what he needs while not depriving wife and family of what they need. It was a good discussion for a man who had been feeling very frustrated in only thinking about what he should do for others and forgetting about what he needed to do for him!

If you are reading this and wishing you had someone to talk to about any of the bumps in your marriage, remember that one of the bonuses when you purchase the book "97 Steps" is that you get a chance to email me with a question.

Don't forget that just because your goal is 'to keep my wife happy' or 'to make my wife happy' you also need to look after your own happiness and find that balance.

To get to that bonus click here: www.howtomakemywifehappy.com

Women Make Friends, Men Join Clubs

As I am sitting here, I'm looking out the window and a man and his two huskies have just run by. It looks like all three of them were enjoying themselves. Half way through this sentence a woman and her dog jogged by going in the opposite direction. And now I hear my husband and our dog coming in the basement door, Jujube tearing up the stairs - he always has to be first like any good dog. Now my dog is perched on his chair in front of the window so he can monitor all the rest of the dogs that are going to go by. Important stuff for a dog!

A dog is man's best friend, right. Take that literally and then ask "Who is woman's best friend?" Is it her children? Her husband? Her pets?

How about all of the above! Friendships are a female gift, a study from Manchester University concluded and quoted in an article by Sarah Sands. Women live for their friendships in childhood and adulthood. When I first met my husband I systematically introduced him to ALL my friends. I spent a lot of time trying to figure out if he had any friends. I met all his working relationships, but they didn't seem to be "best friends".

But of course I had forgotten the adage: "Women make friends, men join clubs".

The University of Western Ontario came up with a simple formula on male/female friendship. Women are face to face, men are side by side. Women have lunch, men go to matches. Women keep friends, men lose them.

It is visibly true that women are far more aware of each other. They conduct spot checks on other women in the street; they notice hairstyles and fashion and weight and degrees of ageing. Men look at the finished effect, women dissect the work that has gone into it. Their friendships start by being analytical and progress through psychotherapy. They acknowledge vulnerability and conflict in a way that men would not dream of.

Can you imagine a man on the touchline asking, "So how do you manage work and children?" Women are much better at the maintenance of friendship in the same way that they are better at organising Christmas and remembering dates of the school calendar. They monitor friendship, they make sacrifices for it. It is an end in itself. Men prefer a context for friendship, which is why their friends are often work colleagues.

To read more on this topic click here.

Setting Goals

I was reading some of the goals that people put up on the social networking site called "43 Things" and I discovered men who say "Make my wife happy" as one of the important goals in their life.

I'm with you, boys! If I can be of any help, just let me know!

Step 1:
The trick is that no one can MAKE anyone else anything. You can set an atmosphere that allows others to choose what you are offering. And I have all sorts of ideas about that in the material I offer on my website.

Step 2:
You know you get what you focus on. When you are focused on a goal and working toward that goal everyday, you will see the results. Just keep at it. Sometimes it just seems like baby steps, but in the end, there are a whole bunch of steps leading you right to your goal - and if you were going in the right direction, you are going to be a whole lot closer.

Step 3:
Help you to go in the right direction is right there waiting for you at www.howtomakemywifehappy.com

Wow! The sun is shining and its a beautiful day here in Victoria. Later this morning Helmuth and I are going to go for our weekly walk through Royal Roads University grounds. We've started taking the camera with us, it gives us great memories and we can use the pictures for blogs and things!

Our walk is for a couple of reasons. One is that we like to do things together but the other reason is that we have a friend, Christine, who mentors us in the way of all things Internet. She was the one that suggested we walk together once a week and chat about our internet businesses.

I really look forward to Wednesday mornings. Christine always challenges me to do more than I am doing and she gives me homework! Usually I do it....I'm covering myself here because I have a couple more articles to get published from my last week's homework, but I'm well on my way!

I'm not sure how we got so lucky to have such a friend as Christine but I feel very fortunate.

The pictures above are from our walks.

How to Make Your Wife Happy at Christmas: Be a Christmas Romantic

I know it is kind of early to be talking about Christmas, but sometimes, you just have to start planning early. Take a look at the following article on my website: How to Make Your Wife Happy at Christmastime: Be A Christmas Romantic.

*** Note to the readers from the USA - I use the word chesterfield. I've been told the term in the US is sofa. (And we think we speak the same language!)

Survival Tips in Any Kind of Crisis

I am not going to ask you the condition of your finances however I am going to ask you about your state of emotions. If you are one of the many people who are going through a turbulent time financially (or otherwise) right now, how are you dealing with it? I want to give you some advice about how to do that. I don't want you to lose your money and your wife. I don't want you to lose the really important parts of your life. The really important parts - your wife, your family, your friends - all those relationships that you have that are the keystone of what is important.

Step one is to remember the importance of the relationships. Don't take your frustrations out on the ones you love and the ones who love you.

Keep things in perspective. Money is money. A roof over your head is important, but having the love of your life beside you throughout it all is even more important.

I don't know what is going to happen, but I do know that our journey here on earth is an adventure and we cannot always control the adventure. We might have to go with the flow for awhile. And isn't it better to go with others than doing it alone?

My first husband and I went through a time in our lives when we almost lost our whole business and the employees and contractors that were working for us, all the equipment and the contracts. We were down to the final days in our house before repossession. I literally watched my husband's hair turn gray. I watched the lines appear on his face. (Don't ask me, I wasn't watching my face, but that's probably when I started acquiring lines on my face too!) It was a long climb for us but we did manage to climb out of the financial crisis. I tell you this so that you know I have been there in the past and have FELT what it feels like.

So how do you keep yourself from exploding at the family? How do you keep yourself sane when all about you others are going mad?

Here are some tips. Put them into action in your life:

1.) When something is said or done that causes a reaction within you, stop. Before you respond, take several deep breaths. Count to 15. Visualize the big picture. Visualize the loving relationship that you have with this person. Give yourself time to choose your response, rather than reacting without thinking. If you need to tell the other person that you need time, say "Just a minute." Or use the famous line by John Cage from the TV show Ally McBeal: "I need a moment."

2.) Take up a physical sport that you do daily or at least 3 times a week. I suggest jogging. Jogging doesn't cost money! Anything that requires physical exercise. It could be shoveling snow or digging holes in your garden!

3.) Take up Tai Chi, Kung Fu, or any other of the martial arts that gets your physical, focuses you, and takes into consideration the holistic you.

4.) Give up caffeine. Really! It helps you keep calm all day and evening. And helps you sleep.

5.) If you have the urge to hit someone, pick up something soft and throw it as hard as you can at the floor, wall or ceiling. Don't aim it at anyone.

6.) Have a friend that you can talk out your problems with - whether it be your wife, another man, or your sister. Perhaps a counselor or a coach. (Hey, you could hire me!) When people discuss the things that are bothering them and get another's input into the situation they are able to deal with anything in a much stronger way.

7.) Don't take on more than you can manage. Especially in times of stress. Draw back with your commitments and look after yourself and your family first. Don't pressure yourself to achieve more than you can handle. You may have to learn how to say "no" to committees, organizations and friends. At least until you have your life back in control. At the same time, I need to tell you, help others if you can. Helping others takes the stress and focus off of your own problems and helps you feel good about yourself. The important rule for you now is to take on what you can handle and not to over extend yourself. Find the balance.

8.) Pay attention to the music that you put on your IPOD. Have one play list that is relaxing, de-stressing music that you can pop into your ears when you need to find a calm moment.

9.) Be proactive. Create a lifestyle that doesn't tax your resources. Do what you need to at work and at home that shows your leadership ability and your ablilty to solve problems - no matter how big or how small. Give yourself little victories everyday.

10.) Remember to say "I love you" whenever you can. Get that kiss and hug. Find something to make you and your spouse or family laugh each day. Remember to enjoy life throughout the hardships.

Yes, it is possible. Many have gone before us and done the same. Use the positive people as your role model, not the negative or the victims.

AND KEEP THE WIFE HAPPY!

The Perfect Husband

by Ogden Nash

He tells you when you've got on
too much lipstick
And helps you with your girdle
when your hips stick.

Foot Massage for Her

Foot massage is one of the most unbelievably relaxing treats that you can give to your wife. It also can be incredibly romantic.

The information below is a guide to foot massage from Dr Foot. Some benefits of reflexology will happen automatically simply by virtue of massaging the soles of the feet but the main objective is to help tired feet feel better!

Preparation for Foot Massage

If you are giving a foot massage to your wife than ensure that the massage foot is comfortably reclined on a pillow or a sofa.

It has been recommended that soft music or a meditation CD can provide the perfect catalyst to get you in the mood for a foot massage. There are various creams and oils that can be used for a foot massage. However, we recommend the use of essential massage oils to achieve an ultimately relaxing foot massage. To begin with make sure the feet are clean, a foot soak with Epsom salts is a wonderful way to de-stress before a foot massage. Make sure that her feet are completely dry (including in between toes) before you start.

Foot Massage Techniques

1. Stroking

This technique stimulates the blood vessels in her feet and promotes gentle heat. Hold the foot in your hands and begin to massage the top surface of the foot. Use your thumbs in a slow, firm stroking motion, starting at the toes and moving up to the ankle. Once you have reached the ankle follow the same line back to the toes. Make sure you apply lighter pressure towards the toes than the ankle. Repeat this 5 times and then perform the same technique to the sole of the foot.

2. Ankle rotation

Firstly, gentle move the ankle side to side to loosen the ankle joint. Hold the heel of the foot in a cupping motion and hold the ball of the foot with the other hand. Rotate the foot clockwise and anticlockwise 3 or 4 times to relax the foot from the ankle joint, reversing the directions will calm and de-stress her senses. Make sure you perform this technique gently.

3. Pivoting

Gently hold her foot in your hand and use the other hand to massage the sole of the foot with your thumb. Begin with the area directly below the large toe and slowly move to the other toes. After initial pressure, roll the thumb back and forth. It may be seen as wiggling the thumb. Release pressure, and move. Pivoting can be a very relaxing especially if you vary the amount of pressure being applied to the ball of the foot.

4. Kneading

Using the thumb or finger tips to knead back and forth on the sole of the foot. Kneading uses the knuckles at the second joints. "Knead" the area like dough with large pressing, rotating movements. Remember that the foot is not as adaptable as dough, so be gentle!

5. Finger Walking

Visualize the foot as a series of squares the size of the second toe (about1/2" sq.). Walk your fingers horizontally, one square to the next, and then down to the next row of squares. Massage one foot, and then the next. Begin at the big toe.

Thank you to Dr Foot for the above information. If you want to read more from him, please click on his name above and it will take you to his site.

Quotes To Think About

Yesterday a dear friend and mentor of mine gave me a Book of Quotes. Reading through it, I found several I want to share with you today. Just read them and muse upon them. Have a great day!

Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired. - Robert Frost

Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look which becomes a habit. - Peter Ustinov

If you aren't good at loving yourself, you will have a difficult time loving anyone, since you'll resent the time and energy you give another person that you aren't even giving yourself. - Barbara De Angelis

You will find as you look back upon your life that the moments when you have truly lived are the moments when you have done things in the spirit of love. - Henry Drummond

The first duty of love is to listen. - Paul Tillich

If you follow these great bits of advice, you will make yourself and your wife happy, I am sure!

And thanks, Jim, for the book!

How to Make My Wife Happy for $2.00 or Less

The following was written by David on his blog several months ago. I found it and liked it so much that I asked him if I could re-print it here. He said "yes, as long as you remember to give me credit."

By David at his website My Two Dollars.com

Last weekend I took it upon myself to make chocolate chip cookies from scratch. Now, I am no genius in the kitchen - in fact, I try to avoid it at all costs because while I don’t mind the cooking part, I hate the cleaning up part. But anyway…last weekend I had a hankering for homemade chocolate chip cookies like my mom used to make. So without telling my wife what I was up to, I went up to the grocery store and got all the ingredients. When I walked in the door, she could not believe I was making cookies from scratch!

Over the course of the next hour or so, I mixed all the stuff together (using our huge Cuisinart Mixer that we got for our wedding and I have never used), cooked the cookies in our new convection oven (I had to use it for something!), and pulled out incredibly yummy cookies that I made with my own two hands.

The cookies were a big hit in our house - my wife said they were the best cookies ever (yea, right….) and we wolfed them all down in a few days. Am I fatter because of all the cookies? Yep. Did they make my wife happy? They sure did…and I didn’t even make them for that purpose! I just wanted cookies but instead I got a 2fer - a happy wife and some cookies.

So next time you are looking for a way to make your spouse happy and make your belly happy, try to make something homemade…what shall I make this weekend? Trust me, it works.

Mixed Weather Forecast - Mixed Communication Messages

Today is a funny day weather wise - on my way in to town to see a client this morning the radio was reporting electrical outages all over the island. There had been great winds and yet where we live we were sheltered and never heard or felt anything! It was raining when I got up but by the time I was in the car driving to town the sun was shining. Coming back home later in the day the sun was still shining but the rain was falling hard enough I had to put on the wipers. BUT the sun was shining. A very confusing and mixed messages kind of day.

And how does that have anything to do with keeping your wife happy? I guess it has to do with the mixed messages. Don't give them.

Susan and Tom were husband and wife and they were having communication problems when they came to see me. Tom complained that Susan wasn't very polite to his friends. She said that she never said a bad word. Tom agreed. It wasn't the words she was saying, it was how she was acting. Her body language was screaming that his friends shouldn't be visiting while her words were sweet. No one felt comfortable.

We spent time dealing with the deeper issues and to make a long story short Susan decided that if those issues were dealt with then she could work on making her actions and her words say the same thing.

Do men do that? Do you ever do that? Say one thing and act another way? If you are saying yes or maybe to this question it could be time to take an inventory and address the issues that are underneath the mixed messages on the surface.

Don't have it raining when it should be a sun shiny day!

Two Little Acts

Yesterday I met a couple, Ian and Ani, at a political event I was organizing. He's on the committee, it was my first time meeting with her and seeing them interact as a couple. While the speaker was up, Ani rubbed Ian's back. When I asked Ian to get up and say a few words about our campaign, he did and when he sat back down I said to him: "You were awesome! Thanks for doing that." And he replied "It's all because of my wife, she taught me everything I know." And he smiled at her.

"WOW" I thought "that was powerful".

The bond between them was given recognition by two simple acts.

This showed me that keeping his wife happy brought happiness to the husband as well.

A Day In The Life

It is going to be a busy day for us today.

I started my day out by journaling and reflecting. I guess I've reached that age where I would rather write and reflect than jump out of bed and take action! Then I always like to spend a bit of time on the computer doing all the little tasks I have to do and this one is one of my favorite parts of the tasks!

After breakfast we are off to our church. It is a new one that we are going to and it is amazing. There are a lot of fabulous benefits to being a part of a community of faith and I must tell you that we come away from the service bouncing in anticipation for the upcoming week and putting our faith into action. (Note: If you aren't coming out of your church with the same bounce, I suggest checking out some others. It worked for us!)

This afternoon we are attending a Craft Fair at a Senior's residence. I sit on their board and I like to attend there events and support them. There are some fabulously talented people who sell their crafts and there are some others who just work judiciously to be a part of it. I just enjoy being there and chatting with the residents and staff. (I usually buy some things I can use as little gifts throughout the year.)

The third event on our agenda today is a wine and cheese to meet the candidate in our riding who is up for re-election to our federal government. Both Canada and the United States are having elections in the next little while. And maybe other countries too. Our media is so heavily tied into the people south of our border that we pretty much know what is going on with them just as much as we do our own country. Anyway, this little event this afternoon is only an hour for folks to come out and meet our candidate. Helmuth and my job has been to liaise with the hostess and our campaign office. We'll be there early to help set up and greet the guests. We've done a few of these now and although the numbers aren't high - I think we have to re-think our way of inviting people - by personal invitation instead of by mail drop - they are a great way for people to meet the candidate in a personal manner.

Helmuth and I both like to get involved with volunteer organizations and there are some committees he is on and some that I am on that we don't do together, and then there are things we do together. Today will be a nice together day.

Get Me Through the Day

Sometimes you just need to leave some loving words. You say it will make your day thinking about her and it'll make hers too - just thinking about you thinking about her. Warm fuzzies all day long....

You should not confuse your career with your life.

Laugh For Your Wife's Sake!

Laughter is good for the soul

Laughter is good for your relationship

Laughter is good for your health

Laughter is good for your sanity

Click here to watch the Laughter Chain and be good to yourself for your wife's sake!

Make Your Wife Happy by Showing Her Your Inner Enthusiasm

Someone asked me recently how to be more enthusiastic. Its a good question and one that is a good one to think about in a marriage.

For some people enthusiasm is just a part of their being. We all know those people. But maybe you aren't a bubbly, outgoing person whose enthusiasm can be seen.

How does your wife know that you are enthusiastic about her? I think one way to be enthusiastic is to let her know how much you appreciate her.

My husband is the quiet type but I know he is enthusiastic about me. My husband doesn't say much - he says he believes in the principle: tell people things only on a need to know basis. As a communicator, I have a different philosophy - but that is another story. My point is that even though he doesn't say much, he does make sure I know the things that are important to me. He lets me know daily how much he loves me and how much he appreciates me. To me that is showing his enthusiasm.

If you are looking for ways to make your wife happy, try letting her know about your inner enthusiasm for her.

"Sorry" is Not a 4 Letter Word

I was thinking about the power of the words "I'm sorry" this morning. For those of you that watched the TV show "Happy Days" Fonzie could never say the words that indicated he made a mistake or that he was wrong and he could only stutter out half the phrase.

I think we are often like Fonzie. We have a hard time saying "I'm sorry" or "You are right, I am wrong". And yet, we like to hear it from others.

My husband is often right on things that I am wrong on. We have a good natured argument about it and then later I find out that he was right. Grrrr! I then find myself, attempting to say, "You were right" and I always think of Fonzie.

Being able to say "I'm sorry" relieves a lot of tension and allows both of us a safe space to voice our opinions without damaging the others feelings.

Sometimes you just have to take a weekend off together and enjoy the moment.
See you on Monday.

Thoughtful Ways to Make Your Wife Happy

Sometimes it is the little things that make us know we are loved. Sometimes it is the little things that just make us the happiest. Easy little tasks that not only say "I love you" but also say "This is just how I am in this relationship. This is just the kind of guy I am."

Stephen, from New Zealand, wrote a great story on his blog the other day. Stephen is the Managing Director of a couple of companies. He says he is a deep thinker and a story teller as well.

Stephen and his wife, Sonya, were out with friends one night and over the dinner conversation, Sonya mentioned that she knew Stephen loved her because he turned off her light. Every night, it seems, Stephen gets up and turns off her bedside light.

Someone asked her as she was telling the story, “You mean as he comes to bed?” … And she replied, “No, he gets out of bed and comes over and does it, even though I can reach the switch.” Sometimes she even wakes him up to turn it off. She continued … “It’s even better when I wake him up to do it.”

Stephen said, “Yeah but I grumble like crazy when that happens.” But as Sonya points out, “I do it anyway.”

I think it is like me having my husband close the bedroom door. I can’t sleep if it is open and once I’m in bed, I don’t want to get up and close it. But my husband does - even if he is already in bed or came into the room through a different door (yes we have more than one door!).

Keith brings Gaye coffee in bed in the morning – even though he doesn’t drink coffee, he makes it for her and brings it in to her each day when he is at home. She brags about it to her other women friends!

Tony makes breakfast every Sunday morning for his wife, Hazel, and serves it to her in bed. For the years that the children were growing up, they would also help out under his able tutelage.

Bruce always makes sure the kitchen is clean when he is cooking or at home. Janet says she loves that and it has even inspired her to clean up her mess when she is baking!

These are little things that Stephen, Helmuth, Keith, Tony, and Bruce do for their wives that aren’t on the official “husbands must do for their wives” list, but they do say just what Sonya said – they tell us that our husbands love us in little ways….and hey, doesn’t that make us happy? You bet!

What little thing are you doing for your wife that tells her you love her without the words?

Classic Kiss

A kiss by josemanchado

Kissing The Right Way

Did you know there is a “right” way to kiss? People are more likely to tilt their heads to the right when kissing instead of left, reports John Whitfield in the journal Nature.

A scientist from Ruhr University in Germany analyzed 124 couples kissing and found that 65 percent go toward the right.

You might want to check it out the next time you kiss!

Thought for Today

Don't insult your wife. Remember, one put-down can erase hours of good deeds. Be kind in your words. When you treat your wife with respect and speak accordingly, she will most likely feel special and treat you the same way.

Always proofread

I have a new computer and as I was setting everything up I typed my website and blog address onto my email signature, but forgot to proofread.

I was in a meeting yesterday when a young businessman to whom I had sent an email earlier in the day hesitantly asked me about my website.

I proudly told him and then he showed me what I had sent him.

www.how to make my wife.com (I'd missed out the word 'happy'!)

No wonder why he was hesitant! I have repaired the error now!!!

Supporting Your Wife

The sun is shining in my window - its morning as I write this. I just caught a glimpse of a quote that was sent to me a few days ago which says "life begins at the end of your comfort zone".

Wow, that is a challenge!

I spent all of yesterday wrestling with an issue I have been trying to figure out how to deal with and I have to say it took me out of my comfort zone and forced me to think about ways to respond to it. My adrenalin was surging!

The fortunate thing for me is that even though this has been a very personal issue and one that I have to work through on my own, my husband has been very supportive and helpful in his behaviour.

I really feel like I am part of a partnership in which we are walking together on a path. We might deal with different issues - but we are there together and for each other. I'm in my comfort zone as far as knowing I'm not alone - but I'm out of my comfort zone knowing I have to take action in an area that has been untouched by me before.

So, as a man who is looking for ways to make your wife happy, this would be my advice to you... don't be afraid when your wife is doing new and exciting things or when she is wrestling with issues....you don't have to do it for her. The important thing is that she is assured of your love and support and knows you are there beside her throughout her journey.

Keep the Feeling

She was happy then - is she happy now? There will always be bumps along the way, the important thing is to know that they will only be bumps. A relationship is like a garden. You have to continually work at it to make it flourish and grow.

Taking in the Home Show

We went to a home show last night. It wasn't a big home show - after all it is September and Fall here in Canada not Spring when people are thinking more about renovation. We did manage to find something to buy (always a good thing in this woman's books!). We bought a little steamer mop. Instead of washing my floor now I just steam it clean. Makes life a lot easier and this wife happier!

So there I was on a Friday night (my favorite day of the week) at 10:00 at night - cleaning my kitchen and dining room floors! When I got up this morning - they looked sparkly!!!

Important tip for today: This was not a gift - it was a purchase chosen by both of us. There is a difference between this and what a man buys for a woman as a gift. Gifts are just for her. Items like this are for the home and therefore a tool that the home needs to make it run efficiently.

Attitude IS Everything

You can view more of these here

How to Listen: Points to Get You Started

1. Realize that men and women process differently

2. Be present

3. Turn off the TV/computer monitor

4. Find a space without other people to disrupt you

5. Don’t try to fix the problem

6. Ask a few questions

7. Remember she is the most important person in your life (you chose to marry her)

8. Suspend judgment

9. Get your hearing checked

10. Summarize what she said when she has said it.

Get the idea? The video from Youtube I posted yesterday was the “how not to do it”….oh? you already knew that? Good!

Manley Man's Relationship Advice

Have you been to Youtube lately? Here's NOT my suggestion for good listening skills for men! (Click on the link in the previous sentence.)

Quote of the Day

In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage.
Robert Anderson

My Journey In RelationshipTraining

I was 30 before I took my first course in "relationship communication" (that means I was married for 12 years by then!). I took some pretty intensive courses. Such courses as "Human Interaction Lab" and "Dealing with Power and Conflict Lab". When I was finished that series of 6 over the course of a few years, I plunged into Reality Therapy and Choice Theory Training.

All of this training was interactive - that means there was lots of "on the ground" feedback about my own behavior and communication skills as we practised our skills to use back in the real world.

But even with all of that training and feedback it took me awhile to 'get it' when I got home and remember to put it into use.

My first job in this area was teaching the skills at a community college to business students. I remember a day when I was teaching my students how to give effective feedback (no global statements, use "I", don't blame just describe the situation etc). I went to bed that night just before my husband. Then he came into bed and left the bathroom light on (as was his habit). I roused myself enough to say "You ALWAYS leave that damned light on. Can't you EVER learn to turn it off????"

And then I heard myself, doing all the things I taught my students not to do in one statement!!! The light bulb went on in my mind! I was teaching it but I wasn't using it! And that was the turning point in my journey to better communication.

Relationship communication and behavior can be learned at any age. If some of us were lucky enough to have good role models as children, that's great. If others have to take training as an adult, good on you! Go for it! It changed my life and made it so much happier!

Relationship Training 101

I heard recently that 49% of marriages in North America end in divorce. I’m not sure how accurate this statistic is, but its enough to make a person think about why is the rate so high?

Why don’t they teach children in school how to live in a relationship? Why don’t they teach children in school how to be a good parent? The skills that they teach in school are important – arithmetic, reading, writing but there are more skills that are so basic to our human survival that I think they should be taught when we are young.

Relationships are so important to having a good life and to raising a well adjusted family and yet we get little formal training on how to live or act in relationship.

Women and men are wired differently from each other. We don’t think, feel, act or mature in the same ways. And so when we are in relationship with each other we are often confused about what will work best for us.

Biologically we are made to need each other. We are wired to keep our species going. We have learned that babies who are fed but not loved die from that lack of love. We know that relationships are not just a convenience of our modern day but a biological need to survive.

We also know that people who stay married and don’t divorce are financially better off.

And mostly there are the children to consider: I remember my 23 year old son saying to me at the time of my divorce to his father…. “I was the only one of my friends who had parents who weren’t divorced. I was always so proud of that fact, and now you are letting me down.” My daughter’s children are young teenagers now and she is divorced from their father. The boys go back and forth between homes. Fortunately both parents live in the same neighborhood but I have seen the difficulties that it causes.

So why don’t we spend more time learning how to do our relationships right? That’s why I have become such a strong advocate of good communication skills and why I have been focusing on “how to keep my wife happy dot com”.

Here are some thoughts for this morning about what we need to keep our relationship healthy.

1. Some people expect their spouse of the opposite sex to be just like them and then get frustrated when they aren’t. Here’s the morning news: The sexes ARE different.

2. Some people don’t take responsibility for the relationship. Each partner in a relationship needs to take 110% responsibility for its health and happiness.

3. Don’t just know who your partner is but understand who they are. Take time to listen to their hopes and dreams and reasons for their hopes and dreams.

4. Realize that quitting the relationship isn’t an option – working out life’s troubles is the better way to go.

Thanks to Deborah Tannen, Gloria MacDonald and Eric Berne for the work that they have done on this subject to help me understand how to help others.

Just Fun Stuff for a Saturday Morning

This is totally off-topic. But laughter is good for both husbands and wives so have a chuckle.

Just a couple of fun pictures I found here. Trees eating motorcycle and park bench.....and there are more pictures that were funny but you can pop over there and see them if you want.
Have a great Saturday! (or whatever day you are reading this!!!)

I Love Friday Nights

I love Friday nights because it is the beginning of 2 days marked for fun, relaxation and doing something different than we typically do from Monday to Friday. Friday night always finds us spending some time with friends - for dinner or a drink - tonight we are having a friend over who we haven't seen for awhile and we just called him up and said "It's time" and he agreed.

The weather is still nice in this part of the world so our friends who have bikes will be out on the highways feeling the call of the "wild" over the next couple of days. Our weekend will be different. Helmuth is taking a course related to his spirituality and I will be working with our local federal candidate to get him re-elected in our elections which are coming up on Oct 14th.

That's two of the ways that my husband keeps me happy. We do lots and lots of stuff together but we also follow our own interests and do things on our own. And we celebrate Friday nights together!

Have a great weekend.

Project Husband Project Wife

I like to do projects with my husband. We have fun together and we get something accomplished either for ourselves or for someone else.

What is a project?

A project, by definition, is a temporary activity with a starting date, specific goals and conditions, defined responsibilities, a budget, a planning, a fixed end date and multiple parties involved. You know what you have to do, do it, once, and that's the end of it. That's a project. (http://www.softwareprojects.org/project_intake_reasons22.htm)

So that could be painting the house or reseeding the lawn, but I want to talk about one that was just FUN and didn't have the opportunity for divorce (I've always lived by the notion that if a couple can wallpaper a room together their marriage can survive anything).

This summer we took on a cool project. We volunteered for the Tall Ships Festival in Victoria BC. So, everyday, from Thursday through to Sunday, we got up early, drove downtown, parked our car miles away from the coast, had a morning walk through the city to the harbor, got ourselves a coffee at one of the little kiosks along the way and then set to work.

Helmuth was a host in the Volunteer Tent and I was a Volunteer Coordinator running around making sure that the volunteers were all where they should be and helping them out with any difficulties they were having.

We had lunch and often supper at the Festival. And then we went home and crashed for the night! All that fresh salty sea air gave us a really good night's sleep!

We got to tour cool sailing vessels when we weren't 'on duty'. We got to meet all sorts of neat people. Oh, and we were supplied with very nice t-shirts for doing the task that say "Tall Ships" on them.

The week after the Festival there was a party for all the volunteers at the Yacht Club. I teased people that I just did the job for the party afterward. Not true but definitely one of the perks!

We had our 14 year old grandson visiting from out of town that weekend and he was a volunteer too. I think the real highlight of the Festival for both Helmuth and me was the fact that our grandson was with us and that we could spend the time doing something fun with him.

So why am I writing about this? I think a project is a great way to take the routine out of your marriage and do something totally different and exciting. It doesn't have to be building a new house or a trip across the globe that costs thousands of dollars. It can be something as simple as creating a vegetable garden, taking on a volunteer project, or taking a course together.

I'd be happy to hear stories about any project that you and your wife have done together.

Nine Phrases Every Man Should Understand

Here is a must see for every husband out there. Its a cute little video and it made me smile because I have heard myself say these.

How did I find this video? On Stumble Upon. I'll tell you a little secret; my web browser is Mozilla Firefox. "Stumble Upon" is a program that runs on Firefox apparently (and not on Explorer). Being a member of Stumble Upon allows you to click and see a new website. Its fun and it saves wondering how to find new sites on a particular subject. If I like a site I can add it to Stumble and then other people will see it too.

Someone put my website on Stumble Upon, and now I am waiting for someone to add my blog to Stumble. It generates a lot of traffic! (I don't think you can put your own site on or I would have.)

Have a great day and may you still clear of 8 of those 9 words explained on the video!

When You've Been Married Too Long

Thanks, Win, for this great joke!

Three women: one engaged, one married and one a mistress are chatting about their relationships and decided to amaze their men. That night all three
Will wear black leather bras, stiletto heels and a mask over their eyes.

After a few days they meet up for lunch.

The engaged woman:
The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black
Leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, 'You are the
Woman of My life. I love you.' Then we made love all night long.

The mistress:
Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing the
Leather bodice, heels, mask over my eyes and a raincoat.
When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but we had wild sex all night.

The married woman:
I sent the kids to my mother's house for the night.
When my husband came home I was wearing the leather bodice, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes.
As soon as he came in the door and saw me he said,
'Hey Batman what's for dinner?'

Survey for the Wives

To further my on-going research, I have created a survey for wives to answer. The survey will be available until September 30th. If you are a wife - happy or unhappy - I want your opinions. Husbands - well, you can read about it in my up-coming e-book!

To answer the survey, click on the words 'survey for wives' above.

Differences Between Man & Woman Explained

I can't give credit to this picture because it just showed up in an email. It's too good not to share. I'm not sure who it is poking fun at - but I think we can all have a good chuckle. And of course this image just affirms the point that men probably do need help understanding how to push the right buttons on their women. That big red one doesn't look safe....or does it? lol

Gourmet Jello Shots For The Woman You Love

Our friend, Judd Hall, in Seattle is into Jello Shots - Gourmet Jello Shots. These used to be those silly little drinks that college kids drank...but now they are making a comeback with all sorts of folks - and seem to be a particular favorite of some women we know. Its kinda fun so I thought I would share this information with you.

Here's an excerpt from an article from Judd's website:

Jello Shooters Renaissance

As a result, there is a resurgence in the popularity of Jello Shooters – particularly gourmet Jello Shooters with exotic and involved recipes – at higher end parties, even weddings and 50^th wedding anniversaries.

With the flexibility of flavors and combinations, you can theme Jello Shooters to your party. For example, if you are having a Summer Luau, why not Caribbean Blue, Mai Tai, Key Lime Pie, and Daquiri Jello Shooters?

For weddings, try Coconut Rum Jello Shooters, Wedding Cake Jello Shooters, and Strawberry Cheesecake Jello Shooters.

For Cinco de Mayo, try Tequila Jello Shooters, Margarita Jello Shooters, and Tequila Sunrise Jello Shooters, and how about putting a gummy worm in the bottom of the Margarita or Tequila ones? The gummy worm takes up a little more volume of the Jello Shooter – reducing the total amount of alcohol per serving, and slows down consumption, while also getting you 1-2 extra Jello Shooters per batch.

For dinner parties, a particular favorite of mine are Red Wine Jello Shooters for dinner parties, made with 3-4 different red wines in my region. I like to intersperse them with Red Hot Cinnamon Jello Shooters to cleanse the palate."

So maybe you would like to try making a few for your wife...I bet you'd make her happy!

Marriage Teamwork

We had a birthday party at our house last night complete with goodie bags, balloons, noisemakers, a really yummy dinner and chocolate raspberry cake with candles. (We skipped the party hats although I was tempted to buy tiaras for the birthday girls!) There were two birthday girls - ok, they aren't really girls - they are mature women in the prime of their lives and careers.

My husband and I shared the meal cooking, we had out our best china and it was an 'event'. The Jazz music was playing in the background.

It is nice to take on an event like this together and honor someone else. The birthday girls told us they had a lot of fun however I think much of the fun came for Helmuth and me in the preparing the event and working together on it. It certainly made 'this wife' happy! I double checked with my husband and he said "I love doing that kind of stuff with you, you know that!"

Laugh Break

It is always good to have a little laugh at our own expense.

This link takes you to Girlfriend 6.0 vs. Wife 1.0

This link takes you to the same but changing from Boyfriend to Husband and is entitled "And I thought Windows Vista had issues...."

Enjoy and laugh, laugh, laugh....it's good for the soul and your blood pressure!

What Makes A Wife Cranky?

What makes a wife cranky? And for that matter, what makes a husband cranky? I was thinking about this when I woke up this morning.

Last night we had a perfect wonderful evening. My husband, who seems to be the one who enjoys cooking the evening meals these days, made a lovely supper that involved bbqed steak and fried mushrooms. After dinner we attended a talk on a subject we are both interested in. At the talk we visited with people that we know and enjoy seeing. We were pleased we went. We learned new things that challenged our thinking and our beliefs.

But we were cranky.

What were we cranky about? The talk was a 20 minute drive from our house. When we got close to the area my husband admitted that he didn't know where it was and wanted me to tell him. I realized that although I knew I could get there, it wasn't a place I frequently went and it might take a bit of guesswork to get there. Now, if I was driving, there would be no problem, I'd just guess and turn and jig and jag until I found it. But I wasn't driving. So I said "Turn here". 'Turn here' turned out to be a dead end street. So, we retraced our steps and instead of turning back on to the road we had turned off of and continuing in the same direction, we turned the other way to take the previous 'turning'. Bad idea. That road was blocked off. Anyway, it took us a good 10 minutes extra to circle around the area and get to where we were going.

Personally, I like touring around in a car, checking out the roads - and we had left in time to do this and not be late. My husband not so much! I made some 'wrong' decisions that didn't take us in a straight line to the place and he wasn't impressed!

But that was him being cranky. And it made me cranky that he wasn't enjoying himself.

After the talk, and as we were leaving the building, I was leading the way and he was following....or not. When I got outside, I turned to say something and no husband behind me or in sight. I went back in. He'd stop to pile chairs. Good on him, but he could have told me. Really, no big deal - right? Hmmmph! (Can you read the crankiness in my words?)

As we are driving home a favorite song of my husband's comes on the radio but the song was not by the usual male singer, but by a woman. It sounded sweet. I commented on its sweetness. He tells me it was too wimpy, it lacked passion. It was too mechanical. I thought it was soothing, and romantic and too be inhaled and enjoyed. In the end, I became that which I hate....defensive and whiney. I told him to be quiet I didn't want to hear his silly ideas anymore.

And with that we were home, and I went to bed with a book. I don't know what time he came to bed, I was sleeping by the time he did!

So what makes us like that? It really was silly. All of it. Why do we argue over little things that really are of no consequence - or are they?

I think that sometimes we just have to accept that we aren't going to be on the same page emotionally as the other person. And we certainly aren't going to agree on every little thing. But why do we get grouchy and grumpy about it? Would we act that way with a friend? I know I wouldn't. I'd hold my tongue, or I would laugh and say something that would find a bridge between us. Like "Yes, the song does cater to different audiences depending on the person who is singing it." And we'd both laugh and find something else to chat about.

I guess I wonder why we leave our good social skills at the door when we are relating to our spouse. Perhaps I should think about that more. And if it rings any bells for you, well, perhaps you should too.

Don't become Bitter - Become Better

Cruising around the 'net I found a website that is anti marriage and pro being single. Now, I don't have a problem with people who choose to be single or who are single because the right person has not come along yet, but I do have a problem with people who are just upset with the whole marriage/relationship gig. As a matter of fact, I want to put my arm around them and ask them to tell me about it....and then find ways to help them be happier.

I read through the article on the site (I've posted part of it below along with a link for you to follow it to their site and read it) and I checked out "who we are" and the names all started with a descriptor "mad" "bitter" "pissed" "loveless." These are not terms I would ever want associated with my name - or my husband's name. Yes, making your partner happy - "making my wife happy" and therefore yourself happier is a much better aim in life. And it works!

Here's an excerpt and the link to Marriage Sucks.

"The next thing you know, you're a bitter, romantically deprived, sexless, emotional disaster. That ring on your finger feels like a garrote around your neck. You feel as though you've been herded into mental slavery. You think back to your wedding day and that walk down the isle doesn't seem so pristine anymore. In fact, it feels as though that walk was like that of a deathrow inmate on his way down the prison corridor for the last time. That's right. Your married and half the time you're wishing you were dead , the other half wishing it was your spouse. What happened to all the rhetoric about the everlasting bond and life-long joy of married life?

"The greatest myth ever to deceive humanity is the myth of marriage. We've all been duped into believing that marriage is the end-all remedy to our loneliness; that tying the knot is a mandatory function we all must seek during our brief tenure on earth. Wake up people! It's time to face the chilling reality. Marriage isn't a cure for our want of companionship, it's the disease of imprisonment. You'll be pleading to be euthanized in no time at all as millions upon millions have already found out. Look at the marriage world around you. Divorce is at an all-time high and while the "experts" toil over the tedious statistics, trying to psycho-analyze and negotiate a solution to the crisis, those of us who've been to hell and back are frantically trying to warn the oh-so-envied singles of the impending doom that awaits them if they elect to tie the noose...er, the knot."

Ok! Read enough????? Not a great take on life, right? Go tell her you love her and kiss her on the back of the neck!!! I'm going to find Helmuth and do that to him.....

A Dream Realized

I want to share with you an article by Pat Nichol, a woman who has been writing and speaking to men and women about how to have happier lives for many years. In this article, Pat talks about a married couple who have achieved a dream they had together. I think it fits in very well with the theme "How to make my wife happy." Enjoy the read.


One foot at a time, one day at a time, one dream at a time. What
is your wildest dream, what courageous, outrageous thing have
you always wanted to do? During the months of writing this
column, I have asked this question often. I hope that it has
made you think of something that you must do before you die.
This month the story is about two people who love and live to
sing. Dorothy & Mel have been singing in choirs all of their
lives. Dorothy sang professionally as a younger woman. They have
lived in the US and in Canada and are usually singing in several
choirs at once.

When you think about singers, what would be the most exciting
place a singer could possibly be? For those singers in North
America, one of the pinnacles of achievement would be to sing on
stage at Carnegie Hall in New York.

Late last year, Dorothy and Mel found out that they had the
opportunity to sing with a choir on stage at Carnegie Hall. One
step at a time, one day at a time, one dream at a time. By the
time you read this column, they will have achieved one of their
dreams. Actually, it wasn’t even a dream, who would think that
someone from a small town in British Columbia, someone in their
70’s might even dare to dream about singing on stage at
Carnegie Hall. However dream or fantasy, it did happen. On March
13th 2006, Dorothy and Mel and 198 other voices sang and allowed
their voices to soar out into the universe. They chose to be
courageous and some might say outrageous, they chose to live a
dream, a fantasy.

How do I know all this, I know because I was sitting in the
audience at Carnegie Hall when they walked out on stage. With
pride and joy and a knowing that what was happening on that
stage was so far beyond a dream as to be a fantasy. But here was
fantasy coming true. An opportunity for two people who have been
singing all their lives to reach a pinnacle. In the film, Music
of the Heart, Meryl Streep comments on taking that step onto the
stage at Carnegie Hall. I know that Mel and Dorothy felt the
same.

Pat Nichol is an international speaker, author and coach. She
writes a monthly column for Senior Living magazine based in
Victoria BC Canada. Becoming Courageous and Outrageous was her
second book title and is the title of her monthly column.

More on Japanese Husbands & Wives

"TOKYO (Reuters Life!) - Almost 40 percent of Japanese married couples speak to each other less than 30 minutes a day, with more wives than husbands contemplating divorce, a recent survey revealed."

This is an interesting article and although it is set in Japan, I know there are similar stories around the world! It is really time these husbands took time out of their careers to find out "how to make my wife happy".

The story goes on to say:

"More Japanese wives have considered divorce than their husbands. The survey showed that nearly half the number of women surveyed had thought of divorcing their husband in the past, compared to a third of the men."

And the conclusion? If men are spending too much time after work hours drinking and smoking without their wives, perhaps, the article says, "the key lies in quitting drinking and smoking."

I'd say there is more to solution than just doing that, however, it could be a good start.

Enjoy the article! (click on the hyperlink in the first paragraph above)

Long Weekend

Its a long weekend and its Monday morning. We're just lazing about enjoying the sunshine and the quietness of the day. I'm sitting with a knitted blanket on my legs, a laptop computer on my lap (where else?) and a dog cuddled up beside me. Helmuth is sitting close by, reading the paper and reporting to me the important things I need to know from it. Its an idyllic kind of morning.

How could a wife be happier? I guess a cup of coffee would be nice...and its my husband that is brewing it! mmmm...

Tonight we are looking forward to having friends over to play cards with us. We haven't had a good card game for a few months now. We were golfing with them last week. This is a couple that I used to golf with daily a few years back when both Yvonne and I were off for the summer (I was teaching at a college and she was teaching in an elementary school). Those were the years when my golf score actually improved! Now, when we go out, we often don't even count our score! But we will be keeping score at cards tonight....no messing around here....I'm a serious card player!!!!

If you have a holiday where you live, I hope that you are making the most of it and that you and your wife and your whole family can find things to do to make you happy and to celebrate life.

Love from
Your Happy Relationship Mentors