Saturday, October 31, 2009
Saturday, July 4, 2009
When you first meet and fall in love with the person of your dreams your old brain (that part of your brain that is the most basic part of that very complicated computer system in your head) expects to find someone who will meet all the needs and desires. Those needs and desires that your parents met when you were a tiny baby.
When you first meet someone they are usually on their best behavior and everything is so great (thinks your old brain) because you have finally found someone just like mama who did all those wonderful things for you.
Of course the problems come when the two of you make a commitment and you both go back to being yourselves. No more best behavior, no more doing it all for the other person. People invariably settle back and human nature is such that we think the other one will continue to cater to our every (expressed or unexpressed) desire. It is not so of course and then there is trouble in paradise.
...To be continued...
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Last night my husband and I watched a movie called The Bonneville starring Jessica Lange, Kathy Bates and Joan Allen. It is the story of a recently widowed woman who sets out in her late husband’s ‘66 Bonneville Convertible’ with her two best friends to deliver her husband ashes to her stepdaughter. The second wife and the step daughter didn't appear to get along and it looked just like a lot of second marriages that I have come into contact with.
Certain events happen to the three friends on the trip to the funeral organized by the stepdaughter that encourage the widow to fulfill her husband's wishes for his final remains instead of his daughter’s careful carrying out of his long out-dated written wishes.
This is a fun movie but one that has a very real message to husbands to make sure their personal affairs are in order when they die. This movie really highlights what can happen when a person doesn’t get around to writing out a current will when their life circumstances change. To keep your wife happy, make sure you have a will and make sure that you have clearly and legally spelled out who is to get what and what you expect to happen to your final remains. Saying that you don't care is just not good enough if you don't want to cause heartache and if you want to continue to make your wife happy even after you die! It took my second husband and I quite a few years to take ourselves to a lawyer and put our new wishes into legal and signed print. And when we did it was painless! We are very lucky nothing happened to either of us in the meantime.
In the movie, the now deceased husband, had remarried after the death of his first wife. He had moved states and he had 20 years of blissful marriage before he unexpectedly died. His daughter inherited the house and his remains. In real life, at least in Canada, the wife would be able to contest the will and get at least half of the house’s appraised value. For the movie of course, she just lost everything.
When a person is grieving (or anytime for that matter), going through a lawsuit is not something that should have to happen. The daughter, in this movie, and in many situations in real life, resented the second wife. She didn’t have any compassion for the woman and didn’t try to make it easy. I can see both sides of this picture. The daughter is fighting to hang onto her father - from a new woman that seems to have replaced her mother and from death. The new wife (in this case new as in 20 year marriage!) has had an intimate relationship with this man and has promised to carry out the wishes that he has told only her about. There really are no sides to take. Both women are doing the best they can even though the man (father and husband) hasn't lived up to what he could have done to make things easier.
If you or your spouse haven’t updated your will lately, I suggest that you watch this light and humorous movie and then make an appointment with your lawyer. In some areas of the world you can simply have your will notarized, but I suggest that you get legal advice if you are in a second relationship.
PS Thanks Sandy for telling me about the movie, it was a well worth watching.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
It is important to know when to do things separately and when to do things together. A sense of independence is a good thing as long as it is complemented with lots of quality time together. When there is too much time spent apart, you cannot make your wife happy and your marriage can be in danger of ending.
Gord developed a life of his own and he didn't spend much time with his young wife and growing family. Gord liked to play pool and drink beer after work and on the weekends at the corner bar by his workplace. Sarah liked to sing in a choir, volunteer with a senior's organization and read stacks of library books. When Gord was at home, he watched sports on TV and Sarah read in another room. The children moved in and around the two separated parents. Looking back on it both Gord and Sarah admit that neither husband nor wife were happy.
Then something miraculous happened. They bought a summer place on a lake not too far from the town in which they lived. The family started to spend weekends together; then they started to meet their neighbors and their social life became family events at the lake and in town with their "lakee" neighbors.
Life in the summer was spent renovating the cottage, waterskiing, visiting and eating around the evening campfires. Life in the winter included social events with the same people.
Sarah and Gord's marriage turned from one of a lot of separateness into one of combined bliss! Gord was truly making his wife happy by spending time with her and the children.
Its a good story - and a true story and I was reminded it of it as the hot summer sun is shining into my studio window. Gord had learned how to make his wife and family happy and in the process became much happier himself.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
He finally lost his temper and said “Why don’t you listen to me?” Now, I was listening to him. But I wasn’t getting any clues as to the fact that he meant something different than I was interpreting.
This definitely wasn't a case 'how to make your wife happy'!
Our friend Al said “What part of it didn’t you understand?” I said “All of it!” And then I asked “Can you say it in other words?”
And so my husband rephrased his statement. Oh! I got it! I finally understood.
The reason I am writing about this now is because there is a song on the radio right now and it has the lyric “Say what you need to say”. John Maher, the singer, repeats the phrase over and over and over again. (I counted 16 times!)
My point is don’t keep repeating the same thing. Rephrase it. It helps people to understand it and in the case of John Maher would make the song so much more interesting! Don’t say the same thing over and over. Rephrase it so that the person who is listening can hear it in a new way.
People have different perceptions about what things mean and when they are stuck in one way of looking at something they sometimes need to be physically or at least metaphorically moved to see the meaning of your words. Change the words – move into a new position and think about how you can get your point across in a new way.
Ok, I think I have said that enough. This post is over.
Friday, June 12, 2009
Do you want to know how and when to say yes to keep your wife happy and how and when to say no to make your wife happy? Is it possible? Can you do it?
Of course, you can and no it isn't hard!
I've taught courses in communications where I have espoused the notion: "Say ‘yes' every chance you get". I've also taught courses in Stress and Time Management that say "Just say no." So what is it? I'm going to suggest to you that there is a time and a place for each - but the key to remember is that you are always saying "yes" to building an even greater relationship with your wife and "no" to the outside influences that can detract from that relationship.
In a relationship, yes is a very good little word to call upon especially when you are focusing on how to make your wife happy and how to keep your wife happy! Being open and positive to the events that take place in a relationship can help to rejuvenate, invigorate and fulfill a couple's joy of each other.
It can make a good marriage into a great one.
You can read the rest of this article on my website.
Have a wonderful - almost summer - day!
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
If you have a wife whose Father has died recently, it might be a tough time for her. But there are some thoughts about things that you can do to alleviate some of the pain.
On Father's Day, some people wear a white rose to give tribute to their deceased father. I just learned that while writing my latest e-book, and my dad died 50 years ago! I think I might do it this year.
Each year on Father's Day, I have friends who sit down to a meal of fish and chips bought from the little corner Fish'n Chip shop in their neighborhood. Why? Because "Dad" loved those fish 'n chips. It was his favorite meal. So they do it in his memory. There might be other things that Dad liked to do that your family could do to honor the memory.
Of course not all fathers are remembered in a good light. Sometimes the relationship was non-existant or was filled with abuse. Father's Day can be a hard day in that respect as well.
I want to suggest to you that Father's Day is about honoring the men in your life that have contributed to your growth, education, happiness and well-being. It does not have to be just about a biological father. Perhaps it is an adopted father, a favorite uncle, or a grandfather. If there is someone like that in either of your lives, why not do something special for him? Send a card, take to a ball-game, share a ice-cream cake. Something fun that he would enjoy.
Traditions are an important part of any family or relationship. The two of you can create your own traditions that fit with your values and your experience.
Will that keep your wife happy? I think so!
Monday, June 1, 2009
I love my husband. He is my best friend. I try to do nice things for him all the time and I notice that he does the same. We have a mutual admiration society. I make him happy and he knows how to make his wife happy!
It isn't that we don't natter at each other and we do have differences of opinions, but generally we think fairly closely alike.
When I met him, I liked him immediately, but I didn't want to make the same mistake that I made the first time. I didn't want to jump into a relationship and then discover I had made a mistake. We took it slow. We dated for a whole year. And then one day...we had bought a house together and you know the old saying 'the rest was history'.
I have pretty good communications skills. I know the theory and I think that a lot of the time I do it right. But I'm human and I don't get it right all the time. I think I could say the same for him, except for him, he keeps his communications more to a minimum. He's one of those men that believe in 'a need to know basis'.
Well, here is a tip from a wife....we need to know it all!!!
How to keep your wife happy? Tell her lots. Keep her posted on the little tidbits. Tell her what you think of her hair, her new purse, those cute little shoes she has on. You will make her happy!!! Believe me.
You can visit my website if you want to learn more about how to keep your wife happy.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
The link will take you to the article I have just posted on my website. It will give you some helpful hints to improving your marriage - whether your marriage is already good and you want it to be great or whether you are fumbling around trying to figure out this relationship thing!
Friday, April 24, 2009
My friend said to me the other day, don't call me on my cell, text me. It's cheaper. So I've started texting. And I'm not a teenager!
I've been reading in the paper that people are flirtexting! Now doesn't that sound like fun? Instead of leaving little love notes around the house on postit notes - now I can send little love notes to my honey and only he will get them. And he can do the same. After all this is definitely a way he can make his wife happy. Someone called it Textual Intercourse. I don't think you are ever too old to flirt with your wife.
Motorola did a study. Christina Montgomery of Canwest News Service reported that 42% of young people (18 - 34) woo through text messaging in Canada. 35% use Facebook or Instant Messaging. And the newspaper also said that "just over one in 10 Canadians 55 or older use Facebook (15%) or instant messaging (12%) to flirt. In a surprising finding, a full 10 % of all ages would drop the hint that the romance was over by simply changing their dating status on Facebook, according to the pole.
Want to try it? Here are a few suggestions. Send me any others you might think would be great to share.
want 2 grab a latte l8r?
GTH4U (got the hots for you)
W2BAI (want to be an item?)
C4U (crazy for you):-*( (I want more than a kiss on the cheek)
My advice - just say things that she will understand. If you are new to texting some of the above statements will go right over her head - and miss her heart completely.
Friday, April 10, 2009
Here are the ideas that can be done after you push all the furniture in the living room back.
Idea number one. Take her to a dance. Put your favorite music on and take her dancing right in the middle of the living room floor. What fun! Add a few truffles and maybe a glass of the bubbly. What a great way to play!
Idea number two. End the dance with a "sleep over" in the living room. Pull out the foamy, a couple of sheets and a duvet and enjoy the living room floor. You can add your own details to your sleep over.
Idea number three. In the morning - you can serve her breakfast in bed on the floor - hey I know! try strawberries and waffles for a real treat. Don't forget the whipped cream!
Idea number four. Toss a coin to see who is going to clean up the living room and wipe up the whipping cream that went astray.
Have fun! And remember - if you want more ideas about how to make your wife happier - and yourself too - go to my website and you will find many awesome suggestions in both things to do and ways to act and communicate!
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
I will spare you the details of my discontent but I will tell you it was painful!
This morning though I have woken up with a new attitude. I gave myself a talking to before I went to sleep last night and when I woke up I remembered all the wonderful things that are happening in my life. Of course its easy when one wakes up scrunched between husband and pet dog! Oh yeah, I have a great husband and a wonderful little furry companion! And as I lay there in the early hours of the morning, before the light had broken and even before the birds had began singing, I thought to myself "Laurie, you need to stay grounded in the moment." And I asked myself "What are the things that are working for you now?" The funny thing is...the list was longer than the disadvantaged list I was working on yesterday.
Perhaps I just had spring fever. Like my grandson on Facebook who posted last night "I'm soooo bored!"
My message for you all - out there reading this on whatever day in whatever season it is for you at this moment of reading - is celebrate the moment. Celebrate all that you have right this very moment. When you are happy, you are happy just because it comes up from your very essence. And when you are happy, others around you can feel it and often others want to be around you because of your happiness.
I'm going to enjoy this day, for this day's sake. And I'm going to share my enjoyment with my husband and anyone else who shows up in my life today. How about you? Will you do the same? This blog may be about 'how to make my wife happy' and its my job to remind you again, you have to start with you! So, here is my benediction to you. Go out and be happy. Appreciate the moment. Carpe Diem!
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Be interested in her. Ask her questions about herself and listen to the answers. Treat her as a special person and remember her likes and dislikes. Be polite to her. Tell her about what is important to you. Share your feelings with her.
Dress neatly and tidily. Make sure your nails are clean and your smile is glistening ... oh and that your breath smells fresh. (To you husbands out there - don’t get rid of that breath freshener once you are married – keep using it!)
When you like someone, it will show. Spending time with her and treating her with respect is always a good start. Invite her to come to events that you will be at...a sports game...a pep rally....a chess club...whatever you are doing. (Ok, you are married now and want to make your wife happy and so the same rule applies - do things together that you both enjoy - not just what you want her to like to do with you.)
So, for what it is worth – that was my advice. For all you husbands who want to make your wife happy – remember she fell in love with you - did you change your behavior once you married? Better think about that and remember all the great things you used to do (and it works both ways, doesn’t it?)
Have a great day and smile!
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
It is the countdown to Valentine's Day. My most favorite day of the year!
I'm so excited - I love Valentine's Day!
All the women in the whole wide world - ok, ok....I'll start that again.....
Many women in the Western Hemisphere are as excited as I am! Full of anticipation. What wonderful, romantic thing is our husband/bf going to do for us this Valentine's day?
I know you men aren't that excited but we women are!
I'm making Valentine Cookies for my husband as a surprise (unless he peeks at this post) and then I've got a little trip to the beach planned - maybe some name writing in the sand.... and oh, yes, I do know what he has planned. It involves going out and a steak dinner with entertainment. He found a 'deal' and thinks it would be fun. We'll have fun! So our day and evening is planned!
Have you got a plan yet? Even a small box of chocolates and candles on the dinner table will help!
I've got a great idea for you to do. It is one of the bonuses on the How to Make Your Wife Happy website. This just might be the right time to check it out and the eBook "97 Steps to a Happy Relationship" which will really come in handy at this time of year and all year round if you want to be a good husband and keep your wife happy or make that special woman in your life happy!
Have a romantic, wonderful, awesome, and happy Valentine's Day! (I told you I was excited!)
Saturday, January 24, 2009
She: "I love you more than all the snowflakes that have ever fallen onto the earth."
He: "I love you more than all the Oreo cookies ever made!"
It is a silly little game that Yvonne and Paul play and Yvonne laughed as she told me "You can really feel the love!"
Yvonne and Paul play it all the time: while driving in the car, while walking the dog, while cleaning up the supper dishes. Yvonne was telling me about it and had me playing this game over a game of cards last night.
Some husbands I know of say "I told you when I married you I loved you and if I change my mind, I'll let you know." For some people - actually for a few people - that may be all they need but I want to tell you that for most people - especially women - they need to hear it more often. Yes, I know, actions speak louder than words, but we still need to hear the words. Tell her "I love you" anytime of the day or night and anywhere you are. Yes, back it up with actions but please tell her.
Ways you can tell her "I love you":
- whisper it in her ear
- yell it to her in the other room
- write it on the top of a cake
- put it into a poem
- buy a card with it in it
- have it written in the sky
- put it on a billboard
- carve it into wood
- tramp it in the snow (that would be an accomplishment....take a picture and send it to me!)
- write it on the wet sand of a beach
- paint it on a canvas
- cut the letters out of a magazine and tape them onto the fridge.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
This man told me that he went through a period of time of being upset with his wife all the time. It didn't matter what his wife said it was wrong! Sometimes he would get mad at her and other times he would just stomp into another room and stay there. Then his sister said to him one day "You are sniping at your wife a lot!" And he thought, "Yes, I am. But why am I doing that? I love her. I love her being around." He told me "I forced myself to say to my sister "I know you are right, I'm going to have to change that." I did! I did say that and it was hard for me to do because deep down inside I'm Fonzie and I don't like to admit that I am wr...wrrrr....wrronng."
Just having that simple little chat, he turned his communication around. He is thinking before he reacts. He is taking that extra minute to think about what he wants to say.
What I want to tell you about this is that we all have an instant reaction to a statement or an action, but we don't have to respond with the first thing that comes into our head. We can take a minute, evaluate the effect of what we are going to say and determine if it is the right thing to say.
This is true for both men and women. And it can go a long way to having a happy and well-functioning relationship.
Friday, January 16, 2009
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh,
rip the hair out by the root,
and still be afraid of a spider.