I just keep thinking about the why. Why is my business in place? Why is the organization I work for doing what it is doing? Why am I a part of it? Why are my husband and I together? Why do you want to keep your wife happy?
Its easy to understand why my organization is doing what it is doing. We have a mission statement. If I get confused I just have to check the mission statement and it will tell me exactly why we are there and what is expected of me. I just have to think about the activity in question and compare it with the mission statement. Do the two match? If so, then I should carry on doing the activity. If they don't - then the activity has to stop. And I find one that fits with our purpose.
I think a marriage is like that. What is the mission statement of your marriage? What a silly thing to ask! But if you think back to your vows of marriage, words like "to love and cherish, in sickness and in health" will probably jump into your mind.
So, going to the bar after work, drinking with the buddies and showing up in the middle of the night and without so much as a phone call probably doesn't fit onto the "love and cherish". Really? Well who would treat someone they love and cherish in that way? Shawna lived with a man who continually exhibited this behavior. One day she asked herself exactly that question. And even though the make up sex was great, she realized the marriage wasn't. She didn't feel loved and cherished. This wife was not happy! Shawna left. Darrell is still enjoying his buddies and they keep him company most evenings.
But then it gets harder. What if you both have an idea of what the new kitchen should look like and you think it will be best this way and she thinks it will be best that way? You say, I love and cherish you - and this will make our lives better if we do it this way. She has the same comment from a different point of view. In this case it comes down to working together to find a solution that you both can live with. In the end it is finding a way to love and cherish and letting go of having to be right.
I guess I am thinking about kitchens right now because ours is in the midst of being renovated. My husband is busy 'mudding' and 'sanding' and getting the wall ready for the new cabinets to arrive. He's working very hard. We didn't have any arguments over how the kitchen should look - fortunately. He's got a good eye for design and so mostly he has made the decisions. We had a slight disagreement about the color of the cabinets but in the end he got his color choice because, once again, I know he has a good eye. He has proved it to me in the past! We did stop everything though while we re-discussed the color of the cabinets. In the end we went with the lighter ones. And then I wanted stainless steel appliances, he wanted white appliances. I wanted the color of stainless steel but I didn't like the fact that I couldn't keep it clean and that - believe it or not! - that I couldn't put magnets on it. We discussed it. I really did not want white appliances! In the end we bought black ones!
How do you keep your wife happy? Think about why are you with the woman you love? Isn't it because you love and cherish her? And in the end doesn't it all come back to the fact that if you love and cherish and make her happy you will feel loved and cherished and happy too?
Just a thought for this morning....