Friday, October 31, 2008

Are there days when you just want to be alone and if anyone comes around you, you just want to roar? That's what one of my clients said to me the other day. He was worried that he would strike out and hurt someone in his frustration even though usually he isn't a violent man. There are two ways that we looked at what to do when that happens, that can makes sure he is getting what he needs while not depriving wife and family of what they need. It was a good discussion for a man who had been feeling very frustrated in only thinking about what he should do for others and forgetting about what he needed to do for him!

If you are reading this and wishing you had someone to talk to about any of the bumps in your marriage, remember that one of the bonuses when you purchase the book "97 Steps" is that you get a chance to email me with a question.

Don't forget that just because your goal is 'to keep my wife happy' or 'to make my wife happy' you also need to look after your own happiness and find that balance.

To get to that bonus click here:

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Women Make Friends, Men Join Clubs

As I am sitting here, I'm looking out the window and a man and his two huskies have just run by. It looks like all three of them were enjoying themselves. Half way through this sentence a woman and her dog jogged by going in the opposite direction. And now I hear my husband and our dog coming in the basement door, Jujube tearing up the stairs - he always has to be first like any good dog. Now my dog is perched on his chair in front of the window so he can monitor all the rest of the dogs that are going to go by. Important stuff for a dog!

A dog is man's best friend, right. Take that literally and then ask "Who is woman's best friend?" Is it her children? Her husband? Her pets?

How about all of the above! Friendships are a female gift, a study from Manchester University concluded and quoted in an article by Sarah Sands. Women live for their friendships in childhood and adulthood. When I first met my husband I systematically introduced him to ALL my friends. I spent a lot of time trying to figure out if he had any friends. I met all his working relationships, but they didn't seem to be "best friends".

But of course I had forgotten the adage: "Women make friends, men join clubs".

The University of Western Ontario came up with a simple formula on male/female friendship. Women are face to face, men are side by side. Women have lunch, men go to matches. Women keep friends, men lose them.

It is visibly true that women are far more aware of each other. They conduct spot checks on other women in the street; they notice hairstyles and fashion and weight and degrees of ageing. Men look at the finished effect, women dissect the work that has gone into it. Their friendships start by being analytical and progress through psychotherapy. They acknowledge vulnerability and conflict in a way that men would not dream of.

Can you imagine a man on the touchline asking, "So how do you manage work and children?" Women are much better at the maintenance of friendship in the same way that they are better at organising Christmas and remembering dates of the school calendar. They monitor friendship, they make sacrifices for it. It is an end in itself. Men prefer a context for friendship, which is why their friends are often work colleagues.

To read more on this topic click here.

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Setting Goals

I was reading some of the goals that people put up on the social networking site called "43 Things" and I discovered men who say "Make my wife happy" as one of the important goals in their life.

I'm with you, boys! If I can be of any help, just let me know!

Step 1:
The trick is that no one can MAKE anyone else anything. You can set an atmosphere that allows others to choose what you are offering. And I have all sorts of ideas about that in the material I offer on my website.

Step 2:
You know you get what you focus on. When you are focused on a goal and working toward that goal everyday, you will see the results. Just keep at it. Sometimes it just seems like baby steps, but in the end, there are a whole bunch of steps leading you right to your goal - and if you were going in the right direction, you are going to be a whole lot closer.

Step 3:
Help you to go in the right direction is right there waiting for you at

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Wow! The sun is shining and its a beautiful day here in Victoria. Later this morning Helmuth and I are going to go for our weekly walk through Royal Roads University grounds. We've started taking the camera with us, it gives us great memories and we can use the pictures for blogs and things!

Our walk is for a couple of reasons. One is that we like to do things together but the other reason is that we have a friend, Christine, who mentors us in the way of all things Internet. She was the one that suggested we walk together once a week and chat about our internet businesses.

I really look forward to Wednesday mornings. Christine always challenges me to do more than I am doing and she gives me homework! Usually I do it....I'm covering myself here because I have a couple more articles to get published from my last week's homework, but I'm well on my way!

I'm not sure how we got so lucky to have such a friend as Christine but I feel very fortunate.

The pictures above are from our walks.

Monday, October 20, 2008

How to Make Your Wife Happy at Christmas: Be a Christmas Romantic

I know it is kind of early to be talking about Christmas, but sometimes, you just have to start planning early. Take a look at the following article on my website: How to Make Your Wife Happy at Christmastime: Be A Christmas Romantic.

*** Note to the readers from the USA - I use the word chesterfield. I've been told the term in the US is sofa. (And we think we speak the same language!)

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Survival Tips in Any Kind of Crisis

I am not going to ask you the condition of your finances however I am going to ask you about your state of emotions. If you are one of the many people who are going through a turbulent time financially (or otherwise) right now, how are you dealing with it? I want to give you some advice about how to do that. I don't want you to lose your money and your wife. I don't want you to lose the really important parts of your life. The really important parts - your wife, your family, your friends - all those relationships that you have that are the keystone of what is important.

Step one is to remember the importance of the relationships. Don't take your frustrations out on the ones you love and the ones who love you.

Keep things in perspective. Money is money. A roof over your head is important, but having the love of your life beside you throughout it all is even more important.

I don't know what is going to happen, but I do know that our journey here on earth is an adventure and we cannot always control the adventure. We might have to go with the flow for awhile. And isn't it better to go with others than doing it alone?

My first husband and I went through a time in our lives when we almost lost our whole business and the employees and contractors that were working for us, all the equipment and the contracts. We were down to the final days in our house before repossession. I literally watched my husband's hair turn gray. I watched the lines appear on his face. (Don't ask me, I wasn't watching my face, but that's probably when I started acquiring lines on my face too!) It was a long climb for us but we did manage to climb out of the financial crisis. I tell you this so that you know I have been there in the past and have FELT what it feels like.

So how do you keep yourself from exploding at the family? How do you keep yourself sane when all about you others are going mad?

Here are some tips. Put them into action in your life:

1.) When something is said or done that causes a reaction within you, stop. Before you respond, take several deep breaths. Count to 15. Visualize the big picture. Visualize the loving relationship that you have with this person. Give yourself time to choose your response, rather than reacting without thinking. If you need to tell the other person that you need time, say "Just a minute." Or use the famous line by John Cage from the TV show Ally McBeal: "I need a moment."

2.) Take up a physical sport that you do daily or at least 3 times a week. I suggest jogging. Jogging doesn't cost money! Anything that requires physical exercise. It could be shoveling snow or digging holes in your garden!

3.) Take up Tai Chi, Kung Fu, or any other of the martial arts that gets your physical, focuses you, and takes into consideration the holistic you.

4.) Give up caffeine. Really! It helps you keep calm all day and evening. And helps you sleep.

5.) If you have the urge to hit someone, pick up something soft and throw it as hard as you can at the floor, wall or ceiling. Don't aim it at anyone.

6.) Have a friend that you can talk out your problems with - whether it be your wife, another man, or your sister. Perhaps a counselor or a coach. (Hey, you could hire me!) When people discuss the things that are bothering them and get another's input into the situation they are able to deal with anything in a much stronger way.

7.) Don't take on more than you can manage. Especially in times of stress. Draw back with your commitments and look after yourself and your family first. Don't pressure yourself to achieve more than you can handle. You may have to learn how to say "no" to committees, organizations and friends. At least until you have your life back in control. At the same time, I need to tell you, help others if you can. Helping others takes the stress and focus off of your own problems and helps you feel good about yourself. The important rule for you now is to take on what you can handle and not to over extend yourself. Find the balance.

8.) Pay attention to the music that you put on your IPOD. Have one play list that is relaxing, de-stressing music that you can pop into your ears when you need to find a calm moment.

9.) Be proactive. Create a lifestyle that doesn't tax your resources. Do what you need to at work and at home that shows your leadership ability and your ablilty to solve problems - no matter how big or how small. Give yourself little victories everyday.

10.) Remember to say "I love you" whenever you can. Get that kiss and hug. Find something to make you and your spouse or family laugh each day. Remember to enjoy life throughout the hardships.

Yes, it is possible. Many have gone before us and done the same. Use the positive people as your role model, not the negative or the victims.


Monday, October 13, 2008

The Perfect Husband

by Ogden Nash

He tells you when you've got on
too much lipstick
And helps you with your girdle
when your hips stick.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Foot Massage for Her

Foot massage is one of the most unbelievably relaxing treats that you can give to your wife. It also can be incredibly romantic.

The information below is a guide to foot massage from Dr Foot. Some benefits of reflexology will happen automatically simply by virtue of massaging the soles of the feet but the main objective is to help tired feet feel better!

Preparation for Foot Massage

If you are giving a foot massage to your wife than ensure that the massage foot is comfortably reclined on a pillow or a sofa.

It has been recommended that soft music or a meditation CD can provide the perfect catalyst to get you in the mood for a foot massage. There are various creams and oils that can be used for a foot massage. However, we recommend the use of essential massage oils to achieve an ultimately relaxing foot massage. To begin with make sure the feet are clean, a foot soak with Epsom salts is a wonderful way to de-stress before a foot massage. Make sure that her feet are completely dry (including in between toes) before you start.

Foot Massage Techniques

1. Stroking

This technique stimulates the blood vessels in her feet and promotes gentle heat. Hold the foot in your hands and begin to massage the top surface of the foot. Use your thumbs in a slow, firm stroking motion, starting at the toes and moving up to the ankle. Once you have reached the ankle follow the same line back to the toes. Make sure you apply lighter pressure towards the toes than the ankle. Repeat this 5 times and then perform the same technique to the sole of the foot.

2. Ankle rotation

Firstly, gentle move the ankle side to side to loosen the ankle joint. Hold the heel of the foot in a cupping motion and hold the ball of the foot with the other hand. Rotate the foot clockwise and anticlockwise 3 or 4 times to relax the foot from the ankle joint, reversing the directions will calm and de-stress her senses. Make sure you perform this technique gently.

3. Pivoting

Gently hold her foot in your hand and use the other hand to massage the sole of the foot with your thumb. Begin with the area directly below the large toe and slowly move to the other toes. After initial pressure, roll the thumb back and forth. It may be seen as wiggling the thumb. Release pressure, and move. Pivoting can be a very relaxing especially if you vary the amount of pressure being applied to the ball of the foot.

4. Kneading

Using the thumb or finger tips to knead back and forth on the sole of the foot. Kneading uses the knuckles at the second joints. "Knead" the area like dough with large pressing, rotating movements. Remember that the foot is not as adaptable as dough, so be gentle!

5. Finger Walking

Visualize the foot as a series of squares the size of the second toe (about1/2" sq.). Walk your fingers horizontally, one square to the next, and then down to the next row of squares. Massage one foot, and then the next. Begin at the big toe.

Thank you to Dr Foot for the above information. If you want to read more from him, please click on his name above and it will take you to his site.

Friday, October 10, 2008

Quotes To Think About

Yesterday a dear friend and mentor of mine gave me a Book of Quotes. Reading through it, I found several I want to share with you today. Just read them and muse upon them. Have a great day!

Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired. - Robert Frost

Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look which becomes a habit. - Peter Ustinov

If you aren't good at loving yourself, you will have a difficult time loving anyone, since you'll resent the time and energy you give another person that you aren't even giving yourself. - Barbara De Angelis

You will find as you look back upon your life that the moments when you have truly lived are the moments when you have done things in the spirit of love. - Henry Drummond

The first duty of love is to listen. - Paul Tillich

If you follow these great bits of advice, you will make yourself and your wife happy, I am sure!

And thanks, Jim, for the book!

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

How to Make My Wife Happy for $2.00 or Less

The following was written by David on his blog several months ago. I found it and liked it so much that I asked him if I could re-print it here. He said "yes, as long as you remember to give me credit."

By David at his website My Two

Last weekend I took it upon myself to make chocolate chip cookies from scratch. Now, I am no genius in the kitchen - in fact, I try to avoid it at all costs because while I don’t mind the cooking part, I hate the cleaning up part. But anyway…last weekend I had a hankering for homemade chocolate chip cookies like my mom used to make. So without telling my wife what I was up to, I went up to the grocery store and got all the ingredients. When I walked in the door, she could not believe I was making cookies from scratch!

Over the course of the next hour or so, I mixed all the stuff together (using our huge Cuisinart Mixer that we got for our wedding and I have never used), cooked the cookies in our new convection oven (I had to use it for something!), and pulled out incredibly yummy cookies that I made with my own two hands.

The cookies were a big hit in our house - my wife said they were the best cookies ever (yea, right….) and we wolfed them all down in a few days. Am I fatter because of all the cookies? Yep. Did they make my wife happy? They sure did…and I didn’t even make them for that purpose! I just wanted cookies but instead I got a 2fer - a happy wife and some cookies.

So next time you are looking for a way to make your spouse happy and make your belly happy, try to make something homemade…what shall I make this weekend? Trust me, it works.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Mixed Weather Forecast - Mixed Communication Messages

Today is a funny day weather wise - on my way in to town to see a client this morning the radio was reporting electrical outages all over the island. There had been great winds and yet where we live we were sheltered and never heard or felt anything! It was raining when I got up but by the time I was in the car driving to town the sun was shining. Coming back home later in the day the sun was still shining but the rain was falling hard enough I had to put on the wipers. BUT the sun was shining. A very confusing and mixed messages kind of day.

And how does that have anything to do with keeping your wife happy? I guess it has to do with the mixed messages. Don't give them.

Susan and Tom were husband and wife and they were having communication problems when they came to see me. Tom complained that Susan wasn't very polite to his friends. She said that she never said a bad word. Tom agreed. It wasn't the words she was saying, it was how she was acting. Her body language was screaming that his friends shouldn't be visiting while her words were sweet. No one felt comfortable.

We spent time dealing with the deeper issues and to make a long story short Susan decided that if those issues were dealt with then she could work on making her actions and her words say the same thing.

Do men do that? Do you ever do that? Say one thing and act another way? If you are saying yes or maybe to this question it could be time to take an inventory and address the issues that are underneath the mixed messages on the surface.

Don't have it raining when it should be a sun shiny day!

Monday, October 6, 2008

Two Little Acts

Yesterday I met a couple, Ian and Ani, at a political event I was organizing. He's on the committee, it was my first time meeting with her and seeing them interact as a couple. While the speaker was up, Ani rubbed Ian's back. When I asked Ian to get up and say a few words about our campaign, he did and when he sat back down I said to him: "You were awesome! Thanks for doing that." And he replied "It's all because of my wife, she taught me everything I know." And he smiled at her.

"WOW" I thought "that was powerful".

The bond between them was given recognition by two simple acts.

This showed me that keeping his wife happy brought happiness to the husband as well.

Sunday, October 5, 2008

A Day In The Life

It is going to be a busy day for us today.

I started my day out by journaling and reflecting. I guess I've reached that age where I would rather write and reflect than jump out of bed and take action! Then I always like to spend a bit of time on the computer doing all the little tasks I have to do and this one is one of my favorite parts of the tasks!

After breakfast we are off to our church. It is a new one that we are going to and it is amazing. There are a lot of fabulous benefits to being a part of a community of faith and I must tell you that we come away from the service bouncing in anticipation for the upcoming week and putting our faith into action. (Note: If you aren't coming out of your church with the same bounce, I suggest checking out some others. It worked for us!)

This afternoon we are attending a Craft Fair at a Senior's residence. I sit on their board and I like to attend there events and support them. There are some fabulously talented people who sell their crafts and there are some others who just work judiciously to be a part of it. I just enjoy being there and chatting with the residents and staff. (I usually buy some things I can use as little gifts throughout the year.)

The third event on our agenda today is a wine and cheese to meet the candidate in our riding who is up for re-election to our federal government. Both Canada and the United States are having elections in the next little while. And maybe other countries too. Our media is so heavily tied into the people south of our border that we pretty much know what is going on with them just as much as we do our own country. Anyway, this little event this afternoon is only an hour for folks to come out and meet our candidate. Helmuth and my job has been to liaise with the hostess and our campaign office. We'll be there early to help set up and greet the guests. We've done a few of these now and although the numbers aren't high - I think we have to re-think our way of inviting people - by personal invitation instead of by mail drop - they are a great way for people to meet the candidate in a personal manner.

Helmuth and I both like to get involved with volunteer organizations and there are some committees he is on and some that I am on that we don't do together, and then there are things we do together. Today will be a nice together day.

Saturday, October 4, 2008

Get Me Through the Day

Sometimes you just need to leave some loving words. You say it will make your day thinking about her and it'll make hers too - just thinking about you thinking about her. Warm fuzzies all day long....

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Laugh For Your Wife's Sake!

Laughter is good for the soul

Laughter is good for your relationship

Laughter is good for your health

Laughter is good for your sanity

Click here to watch the Laughter Chain and be good to yourself for your wife's sake!

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Make Your Wife Happy by Showing Her Your Inner Enthusiasm

Someone asked me recently how to be more enthusiastic. Its a good question and one that is a good one to think about in a marriage.

For some people enthusiasm is just a part of their being. We all know those people. But maybe you aren't a bubbly, outgoing person whose enthusiasm can be seen.

How does your wife know that you are enthusiastic about her? I think one way to be enthusiastic is to let her know how much you appreciate her.

My husband is the quiet type but I know he is enthusiastic about me. My husband doesn't say much - he says he believes in the principle: tell people things only on a need to know basis. As a communicator, I have a different philosophy - but that is another story. My point is that even though he doesn't say much, he does make sure I know the things that are important to me. He lets me know daily how much he loves me and how much he appreciates me. To me that is showing his enthusiasm.

If you are looking for ways to make your wife happy, try letting her know about your inner enthusiasm for her.