Women Make Friends, Men Join Clubs

As I am sitting here, I'm looking out the window and a man and his two huskies have just run by. It looks like all three of them were enjoying themselves. Half way through this sentence a woman and her dog jogged by going in the opposite direction. And now I hear my husband and our dog coming in the basement door, Jujube tearing up the stairs - he always has to be first like any good dog. Now my dog is perched on his chair in front of the window so he can monitor all the rest of the dogs that are going to go by. Important stuff for a dog!

A dog is man's best friend, right. Take that literally and then ask "Who is woman's best friend?" Is it her children? Her husband? Her pets?

How about all of the above! Friendships are a female gift, a study from Manchester University concluded and quoted in an article by Sarah Sands. Women live for their friendships in childhood and adulthood. When I first met my husband I systematically introduced him to ALL my friends. I spent a lot of time trying to figure out if he had any friends. I met all his working relationships, but they didn't seem to be "best friends".

But of course I had forgotten the adage: "Women make friends, men join clubs".

The University of Western Ontario came up with a simple formula on male/female friendship. Women are face to face, men are side by side. Women have lunch, men go to matches. Women keep friends, men lose them.

It is visibly true that women are far more aware of each other. They conduct spot checks on other women in the street; they notice hairstyles and fashion and weight and degrees of ageing. Men look at the finished effect, women dissect the work that has gone into it. Their friendships start by being analytical and progress through psychotherapy. They acknowledge vulnerability and conflict in a way that men would not dream of.

Can you imagine a man on the touchline asking, "So how do you manage work and children?" Women are much better at the maintenance of friendship in the same way that they are better at organising Christmas and remembering dates of the school calendar. They monitor friendship, they make sacrifices for it. It is an end in itself. Men prefer a context for friendship, which is why their friends are often work colleagues.

To read more on this topic click here.

Two Little Acts

Yesterday I met a couple, Ian and Ani, at a political event I was organizing. He's on the committee, it was my first time meeting with her and seeing them interact as a couple. While the speaker was up, Ani rubbed Ian's back. When I asked Ian to get up and say a few words about our campaign, he did and when he sat back down I said to him: "You were awesome! Thanks for doing that." And he replied "It's all because of my wife, she taught me everything I know." And he smiled at her.

"WOW" I thought "that was powerful".

The bond between them was given recognition by two simple acts.

This showed me that keeping his wife happy brought happiness to the husband as well.

Faces To Make My Wife Happy

This is just a funny little video I found on YouTube tonight that an older man made and if you need a chuckle, you might chuckle at this. Or not.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xq6M4NXT55Y

Let's see if you can get there from here.

Laurie

I am sitting here thinking about all the things I would like to say and because I am sharing this blog with my husband I'm wondering if he will think I'm being too wordy. He is "terse" - I am not. Whenever we are out, I am the chatty one and he adds one or two words to the conversation. We'll see if he gets chatty on the blog.

I read something last night that reminded me about Deborah Tannen's work on how men and women differ. Men don't ask for directions and women do. Well, guess what???? I have a great sense of direction and get myself anywhere I want to go. I can figure it out. My husband, on the other hand, asks for directions right out of the gate! We laugh that we are opposite on this point, and it just goes to show that no one is a stereotype - we are all unique. Guidelines, theories and helps are all just that - guidelines and a step up but should always be evaluated to your unique situation.