Friday, October 31, 2008

Are there days when you just want to be alone and if anyone comes around you, you just want to roar? That's what one of my clients said to me the other day. He was worried that he would strike out and hurt someone in his frustration even though usually he isn't a violent man. There are two ways that we looked at what to do when that happens, that can makes sure he is getting what he needs while not depriving wife and family of what they need. It was a good discussion for a man who had been feeling very frustrated in only thinking about what he should do for others and forgetting about what he needed to do for him!

If you are reading this and wishing you had someone to talk to about any of the bumps in your marriage, remember that one of the bonuses when you purchase the book "97 Steps" is that you get a chance to email me with a question.

Don't forget that just because your goal is 'to keep my wife happy' or 'to make my wife happy' you also need to look after your own happiness and find that balance.

To get to that bonus click here: www.howtomakemywifehappy.com

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Women Make Friends, Men Join Clubs

As I am sitting here, I'm looking out the window and a man and his two huskies have just run by. It looks like all three of them were enjoying themselves. Half way through this sentence a woman and her dog jogged by going in the opposite direction. And now I hear my husband and our dog coming in the basement door, Jujube tearing up the stairs - he always has to be first like any good dog. Now my dog is perched on his chair in front of the window so he can monitor all the rest of the dogs that are going to go by. Important stuff for a dog!

A dog is man's best friend, right. Take that literally and then ask "Who is woman's best friend?" Is it her children? Her husband? Her pets?

How about all of the above! Friendships are a female gift, a study from Manchester University concluded and quoted in an article by Sarah Sands. Women live for their friendships in childhood and adulthood. When I first met my husband I systematically introduced him to ALL my friends. I spent a lot of time trying to figure out if he had any friends. I met all his working relationships, but they didn't seem to be "best friends".

But of course I had forgotten the adage: "Women make friends, men join clubs".

The University of Western Ontario came up with a simple formula on male/female friendship. Women are face to face, men are side by side. Women have lunch, men go to matches. Women keep friends, men lose them.

It is visibly true that women are far more aware of each other. They conduct spot checks on other women in the street; they notice hairstyles and fashion and weight and degrees of ageing. Men look at the finished effect, women dissect the work that has gone into it. Their friendships start by being analytical and progress through psychotherapy. They acknowledge vulnerability and conflict in a way that men would not dream of.

Can you imagine a man on the touchline asking, "So how do you manage work and children?" Women are much better at the maintenance of friendship in the same way that they are better at organising Christmas and remembering dates of the school calendar. They monitor friendship, they make sacrifices for it. It is an end in itself. Men prefer a context for friendship, which is why their friends are often work colleagues.

To read more on this topic click here.

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Setting Goals

I was reading some of the goals that people put up on the social networking site called "43 Things" and I discovered men who say "Make my wife happy" as one of the important goals in their life.

I'm with you, boys! If I can be of any help, just let me know!

Step 1:
The trick is that no one can MAKE anyone else anything. You can set an atmosphere that allows others to choose what you are offering. And I have all sorts of ideas about that in the material I offer on my website.

Step 2:
You know you get what you focus on. When you are focused on a goal and working toward that goal everyday, you will see the results. Just keep at it. Sometimes it just seems like baby steps, but in the end, there are a whole bunch of steps leading you right to your goal - and if you were going in the right direction, you are going to be a whole lot closer.

Step 3:
Help you to go in the right direction is right there waiting for you at www.howtomakemywifehappy.com

Wednesday, October 22, 2008




Wow! The sun is shining and its a beautiful day here in Victoria. Later this morning Helmuth and I are going to go for our weekly walk through Royal Roads University grounds. We've started taking the camera with us, it gives us great memories and we can use the pictures for blogs and things!

Our walk is for a couple of reasons. One is that we like to do things together but the other reason is that we have a friend, Christine, who mentors us in the way of all things Internet. She was the one that suggested we walk together once a week and chat about our internet businesses.

I really look forward to Wednesday mornings. Christine always challenges me to do more than I am doing and she gives me homework! Usually I do it....I'm covering myself here because I have a couple more articles to get published from my last week's homework, but I'm well on my way!

I'm not sure how we got so lucky to have such a friend as Christine but I feel very fortunate.

The pictures above are from our walks.

Monday, October 20, 2008

How to Make Your Wife Happy at Christmas: Be a Christmas Romantic


I know it is kind of early to be talking about Christmas, but sometimes, you just have to start planning early. Take a look at the following article on my website: How to Make Your Wife Happy at Christmastime: Be A Christmas Romantic.

*** Note to the readers from the USA - I use the word chesterfield. I've been told the term in the US is sofa. (And we think we speak the same language!)

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Survival Tips in Any Kind of Crisis

I am not going to ask you the condition of your finances however I am going to ask you about your state of emotions. If you are one of the many people who are going through a turbulent time financially (or otherwise) right now, how are you dealing with it? I want to give you some advice about how to do that. I don't want you to lose your money and your wife. I don't want you to lose the really important parts of your life. The really important parts - your wife, your family, your friends - all those relationships that you have that are the keystone of what is important.

Step one is to remember the importance of the relationships. Don't take your frustrations out on the ones you love and the ones who love you.

Keep things in perspective. Money is money. A roof over your head is important, but having the love of your life beside you throughout it all is even more important.

I don't know what is going to happen, but I do know that our journey here on earth is an adventure and we cannot always control the adventure. We might have to go with the flow for awhile. And isn't it better to go with others than doing it alone?

My first husband and I went through a time in our lives when we almost lost our whole business and the employees and contractors that were working for us, all the equipment and the contracts. We were down to the final days in our house before repossession. I literally watched my husband's hair turn gray. I watched the lines appear on his face. (Don't ask me, I wasn't watching my face, but that's probably when I started acquiring lines on my face too!) It was a long climb for us but we did manage to climb out of the financial crisis. I tell you this so that you know I have been there in the past and have FELT what it feels like.

So how do you keep yourself from exploding at the family? How do you keep yourself sane when all about you others are going mad?

Here are some tips. Put them into action in your life:

1.) When something is said or done that causes a reaction within you, stop. Before you respond, take several deep breaths. Count to 15. Visualize the big picture. Visualize the loving relationship that you have with this person. Give yourself time to choose your response, rather than reacting without thinking. If you need to tell the other person that you need time, say "Just a minute." Or use the famous line by John Cage from the TV show Ally McBeal: "I need a moment."

2.) Take up a physical sport that you do daily or at least 3 times a week. I suggest jogging. Jogging doesn't cost money! Anything that requires physical exercise. It could be shoveling snow or digging holes in your garden!

3.) Take up Tai Chi, Kung Fu, or any other of the martial arts that gets your physical, focuses you, and takes into consideration the holistic you.

4.) Give up caffeine. Really! It helps you keep calm all day and evening. And helps you sleep.

5.) If you have the urge to hit someone, pick up something soft and throw it as hard as you can at the floor, wall or ceiling. Don't aim it at anyone.

6.) Have a friend that you can talk out your problems with - whether it be your wife, another man, or your sister. Perhaps a counselor or a coach. (Hey, you could hire me!) When people discuss the things that are bothering them and get another's input into the situation they are able to deal with anything in a much stronger way.

7.) Don't take on more than you can manage. Especially in times of stress. Draw back with your commitments and look after yourself and your family first. Don't pressure yourself to achieve more than you can handle. You may have to learn how to say "no" to committees, organizations and friends. At least until you have your life back in control. At the same time, I need to tell you, help others if you can. Helping others takes the stress and focus off of your own problems and helps you feel good about yourself. The important rule for you now is to take on what you can handle and not to over extend yourself. Find the balance.

8.) Pay attention to the music that you put on your IPOD. Have one play list that is relaxing, de-stressing music that you can pop into your ears when you need to find a calm moment.

9.) Be proactive. Create a lifestyle that doesn't tax your resources. Do what you need to at work and at home that shows your leadership ability and your ablilty to solve problems - no matter how big or how small. Give yourself little victories everyday.

10.) Remember to say "I love you" whenever you can. Get that kiss and hug. Find something to make you and your spouse or family laugh each day. Remember to enjoy life throughout the hardships.

Yes, it is possible. Many have gone before us and done the same. Use the positive people as your role model, not the negative or the victims.

AND KEEP THE WIFE HAPPY!

Monday, October 13, 2008

The Perfect Husband

by Ogden Nash

He tells you when you've got on
too much lipstick
And helps you with your girdle
when your hips stick.